The Rainbow Writers Season Seven- Episode 6: Past
by rainbowwriters
Summary: Officially the sixth story in our Season Seven Series of Buffy. Re-posting of old stories.


COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, Giles, Dawn, Spike and all other characters who have appeared in the syndicated series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, together with the names, titles and back story are the sole copyright property of Joss Wheldon, Fox and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fan fiction. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the authors. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Please contact the authors for permission to reproduce this story on any other fanfiction site.

LOVE/ GRAPHIC SEX DISCLAIMER: This story depicts a love relationship between two consenting adult women. If you are under 18 years of age or if this type of story is illegal in the state or country in which you live, please do not read it. If depictions of this nature disturb you, you may wish to read something other than this story. (Please note this may not apply until much further parts but it will be an integral part of the storyline.)

TIMEFRAME: Season Seven done Rainbow Writers Style… we are taking all that has aired up until Grave as gospel and working with what the bad evil Josh has given us… the difference WE LOVE WILLOW AND TARA… so we're going to fic all the horribleness… the theme is still "Back to the Beginning" as hinted at… but with a total focus on fixing what was done to our gorgeous lovely couple.

PAIRING: Willow and Tara… obviously!

BIG GIANT HUGE ANGST/UNHAPPINESS DISCLAIMER: So if you've seen season six… you know… ME sucks… they took us all down a road we never wanted to go… but now we have to get back… so the ride will be bumpy… but we promise this time the light… its daylight and NOT a train!

WORK OF THE RAINBOW WRITERS WARNING! … If you know our stuff you know we can OWN pain and suffering when we want too… stock up: tissues, chocolate, have loved ones near… we're going to get to a happy place but we're not going to gloss over the damage ME has done.

YELLOW CRAYON XANDER WARNING: In the vein of trying to be nice… we've decided its time for Xander to clean up some of his act and take on some responsibility… no he's not turning into super Xander, but maybe a more respectable guy.

Episode 7.6

 **Past**

 **By: The Rainbow Writers**

Tara opened her eyes slowly, aware that the bed beside her was empty and that the soft sunlight was trying to struggle through the cream gauzy linen curtains over the window. She flipped slowly over onto her back and then stretched out fully in the bed trying to work out how long she had been alone.

For a long, long moment she almost forgot everything that had given her the troubled night she had had but then she recalled with clarity the broken images and ghost-like memories that had drifted through her dreamscape.

"Willow?" Tara said softly testing if the redhead was in earshot.

"Hi baby." Willow poked her head out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth.

"Morning." Tara smiled at her girlfriend. "You're up and awake." She pointed out.

"I am." Willow moved over and sat down. "I guess almost getting eaten by a direwolf makes me wants to just live life."

"Very commendable." Tara nodded. "But remember you were injured." She added softly.

"I thought we could go to the mall. Do some shopping, maybe have lunch at some cute little restaurant?" Willow offered her idea of a good day.

"Is that wise?" Tara frowned gently.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Willow frowned slightly mimicking her.

"Direwolf, nearly rearranged various bones in your body." Tara pointed out reaching out to gently stroke up and down Willow's arm.

"What do you want to do with the day?" Willow questioned distracted by the soft touch.

"No, I mean if you feel up to the mall..." Tara didn't want to disappoint the redhead.

"No, if you don't... we could hang out here and watch Xander rebuild the living room." Willow tried a light smile.

"You want to go shopping I can tell you have that I want to go shopping gleam that I feel sure I got used too." Tara smiled lovingly.

"Did someone mention shopping?" Suddenly the half-ajar door swung open and Dawn's fresh face poked around it.

"I had mentioned it briefly but Tara thinks we need to rest." Willow turned to the teenager.

"Rest smesht." Dawn giggled as she blew off the worry.

"Why don't you two go shopping?" Tara came up with the idea. "You could take Buffy along."

"But what are you doing to do?" Willow questioned worried.

"Take it easy, pass Xander nails and cold beer." Tara made a few very relaxed suggestions.

"Do you want to go Dawnie?" Willow looked at the teenager wanting to do her best not to crowd Tara all the time. "Is Buffy even up yet?"

"I don't think so." Dawn shook her head. "But I'll go jump on her." She hurried off and then reappeared briefly. "That was a yes I want to go by the way." She explained before dashing off again.

Willow laughed as the teenager darted away before turning back to her girlfriend.

"Are you sure?" She checked in a soft voice. "Though you know if you don't go I could bring you home a present."

"If you're sure I'm sure." Tara pointed out though she felt a little guilty inside for almost wanting Willow to leave. She just needed a little time alone to think and get her head together.

"I'll bring you home the best present." Willow leaned forward and kissed Tara's forehead.

"You don't have to stay out long, come home whenever you like." Tara pointed out quickly tipping her head up for the affection.

"Do you want lunch brought back?" The redhead questioned thinking that was what Tara was hinting at.

"That would be nice, something with cheese and lettuce." The blonde smiled lovingly.

"Oh I know just want you're craving, the Super Salad Bar's speciality mix." Willow beamed.

"Something I have a thing about huh?" Tara smirked as the name sparked a slight feeling of familiarity.

"You had a little frequent purchaser card." The redhead giggled. "I'll get them to start you a new one."

"Perfect." Tara giggled at the idea that she had a frequent buyer card for a salad bar. "Willow?" She said after a moment as the redhead moved back slightly.

"Yes love?" Willow stopped.

"I love you." She said seriously.

"I love you too." Willow leaned forward and hugged her. "More than anything."

"More than anything." Tara echoed holding on possibly too tightly.

"Buffy! BUFFFFFYYYYY!" Dawn yelled but she made sure to make her call light and not worrisome as she jogged down the stairs. The last thing she needed was her sister waking up cranky due to an unneeded slayer response. She'd flittered from room to room having not yet found her sister and it was starting to concern her a bit. A check of the main floor gave her nothing so she reluctantly crept down the open basement door towards Xander's territory.

"Mmmm." A light indistinguishable moan came from under the covers on Xander's bed.

"Sorry Mads, but have you seen Buf..." Dawn began but her words stopped as she paused at the bottom steps into the basement.

"Dawn?" Buffy scratched at her head as she yawned. As she sat up the blanket pulled up showing the Spellcaster still asleep beside her. "It's early."

"Buffy?" The teenager squeaked as she looked at the two of them. "What are you doing?" She turned slightly and stared at the sleeping Spellcaster. "Oh God! You make me sick!" She announced suddenly turning and stomping up the stairs.

"Dawn?" Madalene was finally awakened by the girl's horrified condemnation though she didn't quite catch all the words. "What's going on?" She looked at Buffy.

"I'm not sure I know." The Slayer admitted as she struggled up and out of the bed. "I'd better go and find out though. Dawn! Dawn!" She called as she hurried up into the kitchen trying to slow her sister down.

"Don't talk to me, you're disgusting!" Dawn stomped her way around the landing on her way to the second set of stairs.

"Will you please just stay still and let me explain." Buffy was gaining ground on the teenager though she wasn't sure exactly what she was going to be explaining.

"Explain what?" Dawn turned her hands on her hips. "That you have nothing better to do that stalk Madalene now that Willow is okay, have her be another notch for your belt."

"Stalk Madalene?" Buffy stopped too with a hard frown. "A notch in what belt?"

"I'm not a child Buffy, I know about these things." Dawn glared at her sister.

"Wait." Buffy finally felt her brain slip into gear. "You don't think..." She stopped and glanced over her shoulder back down the stairs.

"How could you? She doesn't really know who she is, she's here trying to help us and you repay her by taking advantage of the situation?" Dawn kept condemning her.

"You really think I would do that?" Buffy frowned harder as a dark horrible feeling sunk into her as Dawn's accusations hit home.

"You were in bed with her." Dawn pointed over the railing.

"Fully clothed." Buffy motioned to herself to show she was indeed still in her outfit from the night before.

"Cuddled up together." Dawn felt a little of her anger calm as she realised that they had both been in clothes.

"It's cold in the basement, we should buy one of those miniature heater things." Buffy thought her tension softening.

"So you didn't?" Dawn stepped down one stair towards the Slayer.

"No Dawn, I didn't. Why would you think I did?" She asked honestly interested.

"Because..." Dawn slipped down to sit on the stair. "She's beautiful and intelligent and you spend lots of time with her."

"I spend a lot of time with her because she's my friend, you spend a lot of time with her too and no one would think you wanted to date her." Buffy tried to reason.

"I'm only sixteen I can't date her." Dawn squeaked at her sister.

"So see how dumb it sounds?" Buffy laughed softly and reached out to touch her sister's arm.

"You don't like her? Like, like-like her?" Dawn looked into her sister's eyes.

"No!" Buffy laughed and exclaimed. "Dawn, I think Riley and Angel and well, others, kinda prove my straight preference."

"But Willow was with Oz now she's with Tara, it's not a one or the other forever thing." Dawn reasoned logically. "And she makes you happy." She pointed out not sure why after being upset earlier she was now trying to prove the merits of this to Buffy.

"She's a friend Dawn, I need friends right now more than anything else. To be honest I don't think any love interest is what I need." A hard shiver ran through her as she thought of Spike and the parting memory of him in the bathroom upstairs. She felt the colour blanch from her cheeks

"Oh... sorry." Dawn offered feeling bad for freaking out now. "Um... I was coming to see if you wanted to go shopping with Willow and me. She's all excited about getting out in the big wide world."

"So you don't feel like the odd one out with her and Tara?" Buffy forced herself to relax a little trying a smile.

"No, Tara wants to stay at home and rest." Dawn shook her head. "It would just be us three."

"Is Tara okay?" Buffy felt the worry creep in again.

"I think she's just tired after last nights commotion." Dawn admitted.

"You should run down and ask Mads to keep an eye on her for us. I need to wash and change." Buffy gave her vote to go shopping.

"Okay." Dawn smiled at her sister. "I'm sorry I snapped at you." She reached up and hugged Buffy.

"No problem." Buffy held her sister softly for a moment.

"You know if you are looking for someone..." Dawn grinned as she moved downstairs. "You could do worse than Mads."

"Funny girl!" Buffy called shaking her head gently.

"That's if she'd even have you." Dawn giggled as she went into the basement.

"BEAST!" Buffy's voice just about carried down to reach her.

The Summers' house was silent as the Spellcaster made her way upstairs. The happy trio of women had left to go shopping and Xander had even phoned to say he'd be by in an hour or so after picking up building supplies to fix the front window. Being the only two left, Madalene wanted to check on her cousin and having made it down the hall without hearing a noise she poked her head around the doorway of Tara's room.

"I'm going to go do my meditation now that the shopping crew is off. Do you want anything?" She smiled at the blonde.

"No, I'm kinda having a bedroom day." Tara admitted motioning to her cross-legged position on the bed.

"I can make you lemonade or something though." Madalene came into the room a bit.

"I don't want to put you to any trouble." Tara said softly.

"Please, it's my pleasure." Madalene smiled at her cousin.

"I don't know if I did before, but I love lemonade now." Tara let herself smile softly.

"I like to think it's because I'm a master at making it." The Spellcaster laughed. "So what are these?" She glanced at the books piled up next to Tara on the bed.

"What?" Tara looked to where the Spellcaster was looking having completely forgotten what she had out on the bed. "Oh they're books, just books." Moving her hand too quickly Tara caught one and knocked the pile spreading them over the comforter.

"Are you okay?" Madalene saw how flustered the blonde was suddenly as the books sprayed out.

"I..." Briefly Tara considered lying to her cousin but as she caught the Spellcaster's eyes she knew she couldn't. Sadly she shook her head and picked up a soft rainbow coloured book. In her preliminary sort Tara had worked out that this had been the first of her journals. Silently she handed it to Madalene.

Madalene took it and flipped it tentatively open to the first page seeing a picture of Willow and Tara before she flipped to the next and saw a full page of fluid handwriting.

"Journal?" She surmised softly.

Tara leaned forward and eased the first page back again. Like it had when she opened it, the first wafer thing page had stuck. Peeling it back a pretty decorated bookplate held the words:

"This book belongs to Tara Maclay."

"Sweet Goddess." Madalene took a staggered breath as she quickly counted the four other journals and a thought cleared in her head. "Your memories."

"Anya kept them." Tara nodded pulling her hand back.

"Have you read them?" The Spellcaster ran her finger over the words not reading just amazed by their existence.

"I was going to start." She revealed shaking her head. "But I didn't want Willow to be here." She made the admission a bit ashamed.

"I can't believe you have this." Mads looked at the books again in awe. "I'll make you lemonade." She nodded feeling the importance of this.

"Would you..." Tara stopped what she was about to ask and let her eyes drop back to the books. "Yes thank you, lemonade would be nice." She whispered instead.

"Would I what?" Madalene jumped immediately at the words.

"It's just…" Tara looked up again as Madalene had answered so swiftly and so gently. "I don't know if I can read them."

"Do you want company?" Madalene offered softly.

"Would you?" Tara's blue eyes brightened a little.

"Cousin, you could ask me to walk to Istanbul and get you a local sandwich and I'm sure I'd consider it." The Spellcaster assured her. "Well you know I did come from Argentina this time alone so that would have been a good example also."

"It's just that, I have this strange feeling…" Tara looked at the books.

"Do you want me to read them too you?" Madalene could understand the blonde's hesitation. "It took me three days to get the courage to read the note that was with me and it was only a page long."

"I couldn't ask you to..." Tara shook her head but her voice held no conviction.

"Why not? Do you not want me to know what's in them?" Madalene didn't mean any malice just wanted to clear up any worry. "I won't tell anyone anything Tara, I promise you."

"No, no it's not that." Tara shook her head and paused. "Would you read them to me, please?" She held out the first one again.

"Okay." Madalene took it and pushing the over a little moved up to sit beside her.

"This book belongs to Tara Maclay..." She began reaching down and slipping her hand into her cousin's.

"I know that it will be hard to ever forget the things that I have been through but I never ever want to forget again all the beauty in my life that I almost lost because of Glorificus. I guess that is the best place to start... Glorificus as everyone knows now is a Hell God ... though maybe I should start back a bit further... it was a normal day until I finally got the courage to mention to Willow the fears that were playing in my mind about her growing powers..."

The world seemed to shift a little for the cousins as Madalene's voice went on. A scene of a room, most probably a university dorm room filled out around them.

Clad in denim, Tara sat on the edge of a bed, talking at length with a shorthaired Willow.

"Oh, but you're way beyond me there! In just a few… I mean ... it frightens me how powerful you're getting." Tara pointed out to her lover, not truly expecting the look she received in return.

"That's a weird word." Willow's eyes were hard and her frown pronounced.

"Getting?" Tara tried to bluff with a nervous smile.

"It frightens you, *I* frighten you." Willow clearly pointed out exactly what part of Tara's praising she was referring to.

"That is *so* not what I meant. I meant i-impresses - impressive." The words tumbled from Tara mouth as she shot up off the bed, shaking her head.

"But it was what I meant…" Tara's narrative voice took over from the point but the scene played on for the two cousins who were both present but at the same time merely observers.

"But soon none of that would matter or wouldn't be important at any rate." The narration went on.

"What wouldn't matter?" Madalene held the book to her as she looked around the unfamiliar room.

"Any of it." Tara's voice changed slightly as the Wicca moved from her place next to Madalene, uncrossing her legs and stepping off from the bed she shared with her cousin directly into the scene. Her white-socked feet treading silently on the door room floor.

"Tara, should you be..." Madalene watched her move. She was surprised when nothing seem to stop even though Tara stood up.

"Everything changed about an hour after this or maybe a little longer." Tara walked across the room her hand catching hold of the closet door that hung slightly open from Willow's hasty and angered retreat from the room.

"How? What changed it?" Madalene slowly pushed off the bed and stood up almost afraid the floor wouldn't hold her. Her body felt light and tingly, almost that strange feeling that came a moment or two before your limb went numb when you sat on it funny.

"Glory." Tara whispered the name, her blue eyes instantly haunted by the name.

At the prompting Mads moved her eyes down to the text of the journal again.

"It was supposed to be a simple day... just a sunny day in the middle of the week and then she was there." Madalene whispered almost feeling pain in the words as the world shifted again and she was sitting on a bench with Tara.

Balloons and paper lanterns hung from trees. People walked around, some in costume, some holding carnival prizes. Cheerleaders waved pom-poms and chanted in order. A group of Chinese men danced, holding a large paper dragon aloft as they moved through the crowds. Flags of many nations hung from wires above the masses around them.

Madalene looked up to see a blonde in a red slip dress walking towards them a feral look on her face.

"Tara, we have to get out of here." Madalene felt a sickly wave pass into her body and she grabbed the blonde's hand trying to pull her.

But Tara remained seated as the woman slipped in unnoticed to sit beside her sliding her hand across the bench she slowly threaded her fingers into Tara's, squeezing them softly when her hand was fully in place. A soft beautiful smile crossed Tara's face as she looked down at the hands.

"I thought it would be Willow." Tara whispered turning her head to glance at Madalene.

"It's not." Madalene stood up alarmed and quickly she looked down into the book.

"I didn't have a choice, I couldn't, I wouldn't give up Dawn to Glory's horrible desires. I couldn't let anyone be hurt, so I just sat there. I just sat through the pain and the agony." She read on as best as she could as she heard her cousin yelp in pain. "I knew some part of me believe Buffy would come and save me, or Willow... Willow would just somehow know I was in trouble and make it all stop. But neither of them came and then it went dark."

Madalene shivered as the narration continued and the world started to dim around them.

"The days I was lost there in Glory's madness, I do not wish to recount here. Maybe I will, in a separate place and maybe when I do, the images and memories of that time will cease to haunt my mind."

"But for here and now I will put only this. I recall every moment, every hour of every day that I spent there. Insane maybe, but like looking through a dirty window, everything that went on around me I saw, I felt and I bleed for."

"Tara we should stop this, whatever this is." Madalene looked up at the scene changed fully and they were encased in a dark night at the base of a tall strange metal structure looming nearby. Forcefully she shut the book in her hands and breathed out as the world spun again.

"Are you sure you didn't mind coming all this way, I still feel guilty that its my fault that most of the shops are places we can't go." Dawn lopped an arm through Buffy's and one through Willow's as they wandered down the central area of a large shopping mall.

"No, it's nice. Very nice." Willow looked around smiling as she looped the dropped end of her scarf over her shoulder.

"There are restaurants and cafes every few steps, so if you feel tired or anything we can just sit down." Dawn continued to over compensate as she saw the slim redhead shiver slightly.

"No, I'm great. Want to shop more." Willow grinned back at them.

"So what kind of thing do you want to look at?" Buffy smiled as she listened and watched the banter between her sister and best friend. It was such a comfort to see things at a normal level without any overwhelming clouds on the horizon.

"Puppies? We could get a dog." Willow offered the first thing that came to her mind.

"You want a dog?" Buffy spoke slowly and arched an eyebrow as she turned to look at Willow as they stopped momentarily.

"Yes, a dog." Willow bubbled as the idea caught hold of her brain. "We could all take turns walking it and training it and it could fetch stakes when Buffy drops them."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a cat?" Dawnie asked softly. "Like Miss. Kitty?"

"We can't replace Miss. Kitty." Willow shook her head. "We could get a nice lab pup, they are friendly."

"Does Tara like dogs?" Buffy asked though she felt their direction shift slightly towards the large pet store at one end of the mall.

"She loves anything fluffy and cuddly." Willow pointed out the known fact.

"Can we get a dog, can we?" Dawn jumped up and down having fought all her more mature efforts to not get overly excited for too long.

"I'm not sure Dawn..." Buffy began slowly as she thought about it. "They're not just balls of fluff." She felt herself slip into a mother type speech about responsibility until she thought about how stupid it would sound with everything they had been through.

"Come on." Willow jumped in literally as she looped her arm into Dawn's and bounced with her. "You can get to name it."

"If we're getting a dog, we should get it from a pound shouldn't we?" Buffy pointed out.

"YES!" The two of them yelled together dragging the Slayer off in a separate direction before she could change her mind.

Madalene stared at the book in her hand unable to put it down, her look showed her fear for the small object.

"What was that?" She tried to keep her voice from shaking as she looked at Tara.

She noticed that her index finger was still pressed between the pages acting as a bookmark, apparently they had read through nearly a third of the small pages already.

"I don't know." Tara whispered her voice just as shaky. "Are the books magical? Do you think Anya cast some kind of spell on them? Or maybe I did?" She frowned trying to still her whirlwind mind.

"I don't feel anything." Madalene shifted her had. "It's not the books." She took a deep breath. "You're memories... it's like we're living them."

"But how can we be, there just words on a page?" Tara frowned trying to get her mind to work.

"I don't know." Madalene shook her head. "Should I keep reading?" She questioned not sure what to do.

"I don't know." Tara admitted she looked down to see a soft sheen of sweat over her palms and she could feel the blood pumping slightly fast in her ears. "Do you think one of these if the 'other' book I mentioned?" She took a quick look at the books beside them that she had tided into a neater pile. One stuck out slightly due to the fact it had a small silver padlock on it.

"I don't think we want to read that." Madalene's voice shivered as Tara moved books aside, until she reached it. The book itself was plain black leather and it made the silver lock sparkle even more.

"I'm guessing this one." She said logically.

"Shouldn't we finish this one?" The Spellcaster shied from it.

"I don't want to read it." Tara shook her head understanding her cousin's confusion. "I don't even have the key for it, I was just thinking you know…"

"Here I'll put it on the side." Mads reluctantly held her hand out for the book and instantly Tara smiled as Madalene seemed to read her mind and know exactly what she needed.

The Spellcaster was completely unprepared as the book fell into her grip for the wave of complete throbbing darkness that surrounded her. Her ears were filled with screaming, her skin felt like it was crawling and somewhere in the dark she could hear menacing breathing. She almost pitched the book across the room but she managed to keep herself in check enough to dump it on the side table.

"Never..." She panted. "That book never gets read by anyone." She looked at Tara shivering.

"Something's are best forgotten perhaps." Tara confirmed with a shiver of her own.

"I think you wrote it to let it go as you said to purge the memories. We shouldn't give them more power. One day soon we should destroy it." Madalene agreed taking another breath as she opened the book she had in her hand wanting to push the badness away. "The first thing I remember is Willow... Willow holding me... Willow had saved me from the dark."

"But it was a moment of beauty to be shattered by fear as the night sky cracked open like a walnut shell, realities slipping and changing as dimension merged with dimension, as Dawn's precious life blood dripped from her wounds." The narration continued as again the world slipped and they were in front of Glory's tower. "Willow held her hand over my head cradling me to her as the unearthly wind tore through and around the place."

"Oh my Goddess." Madalene looked up holding her hand over her eyes to see the scene above as the light from the portal blinded everyone. Her immediate reaction was to do something to help.

"I love you baby, I will always love you." Willow's soothing words were whispered over and over to 'her' Tara as the maelstrom continued above them and then in a crescendo of light and sound everything seemed to still and a loan figures shadow seem to fill the sky, arms flung out in a crucifix like position.

"BUFFY NO!" Madalene's voice screamed again as she lost sight of the fact this wasn't real.

The sound of the Slayer's body hitting a small pile of rubble seemed to echo impossibly loud as the soft light of morning crept over the site of devastation.

"It's so hard to know my second memory after the darkness is of watching Buffy die. Her life ended by something so simple as a fall from above." Madalene whispered the words as her hand held the book open at her side. "But as I felt Willow dip in my arms, the strength taken out of her by the sight of Buffy's broken body, I knew at that moment, that though the world might have been saved, it would never be the same again."

Forcing her hand to calm at least slightly, Madalene turned the page of the journal.

"It's one of those days that just isn't right." She began reading Tara's words as the world shifted slightly.

"It started off wrong, the moment I opened my eyes I knew it. When I felt the warm sunshine pressed through the curtains onto my cheek, the moment I heard soft birdsong forcing cold silence away I realised that nothing about the day was going to be how it should be."

The world drifted away from the dark scene to the bedroom in the Summers' house, though the walls were in a dark red colour and not the bland muted wallpaper that was there now.

"After all it should have been raining, the birds should have found a different garden to sing in and my voice on the landing most certainly not have been the one calling to Dawn and Willow."

A dishevelled and obviously tired redhead pulled her weary body out of bed and shuffled down the hall towards the sound of her lover's calls.

"Dawnie?" Tara's soft voice came from the still figure who's profile was just visible out on the landing and then with soft barefoot foot falls the Wicca followed the way Willow had gone. "She's not answering Willow. But I don't want to just go in." With several glances over her shoulder the blonde looked at the teenager's closed door.

"We have too." Willow moved over knocking softly. "Dawn... Dawnie... can we come in?"

"Go away." A muffled reply came from within. Tara threw a painfully sad glance Willow's way.

"Dawn, please." Willow put her hand flat on the door.

Very, very slowly the teenager's door slid open revealing a hardly recognisable Dawn on the other side. The teenager was dressed in a sleep short set, though beneath it were visible traces of obviously bulky bandages. She was thin and gaunt, her hair hung in messy tangles around her shallow cheeks.

"What?" She asked of the two witches not looking up.

"We have to start getting ready." Willow began gently trying to get her own resolution.

"I'm not going." Dawn turned and moved back into her room coming to sit down in front of her dressing table, her eyes still not coming up to look at her reflection or at Willow and Tara.

Willow looked at Tara confused as to what she was going to do.

"But sweetie…" Tara took a slight step into the room.

"Why should I go? Its not as if its a proper burial, know one knows about it, no ones allowed too." Dawn turned and snapped at the blonde.

"Because it's Buffy." Willow pointed out softly.

"It's my sister, the only person I had left." Dawn screeched. "And we're burying her in a little hole in the middle of the woods so that no one knows she's dead. The funeral parlour probably thinks she's our pet pony or something." A hard sob threatened to crack through Dawn's anger but the teenager refused to let it.

"I can't do this either." Willow's eyes filled with tears as she admitted her failing to the blonde and staggered back out of the room.

"Will..." Tara turned and watched as Willow left before dragging her eyes back to Dawn.

For a moment the blonde just stood there unable to decide which of them to go after.

"What could I do? Comfort Dawn, who was really just a child and who before my eyes had lost everything in the world that made her safe? Or comfort my lover, who was running so close to empty that I wasn't sure she'd make it out of bed one of these mornings?" Madalene leaned against the doorway to Dawn's room next to Tara's shoulder as she read the words. "And then to make it all worse, I recall the doorbell rang, calling an end to all deliberation. It was Xander, letting us know that Anya wouldn't be coming. She couldn't face it, but that everything was ready, the grave, the gravestone..." The world shifted again as they were now standing in a dark wood. "It was so simple but it made me cry when I read it."

"She wouldn't have wanted a poem or anything fancy." Xander pushed up and backed away from the freshly dug earth, his face a mask of pain and sorrow.

Uncharacteristically Giles moved up behind him and placed an arm around the younger man's shoulder in comfort.

Tara stood on her own a little to the side of the two men whom when the comfort had been offered had turned to hug one another. She stepped forward and dropped quietly to her knees.

"They'll come Buffy," She reached out a hand and stroked the cold stone. "When they can." She promised the Slayer.

Madalene felt her heart breaking as each page brought them to watch the sad scenes as everyone's lives went on day by day with Tara's description in her words of all they had gone through and were struggling against. The blonde's own words seemed to be pushing for some ray of home, seemed to show the firm grip she was holding on hope but no matter how hard her words tried she couldn't convey anything other than overwhelming grief. For that reason it was almost a present surprise when they shifted into a candle lit room.

"Well tonight I didn't expect." Madalene read the beginning of the new page.

"Will? Willow sweetie." Tara stepped into the candle lit room from the front door, she stripped off her coat and hung it over the end of the stairs.

"Don't say anything." Willow emerged in perfect timing from the living room in long silky pyjama pants and a tight strap top. She went straight to Tara winding her hand into blonde hair as she pressed her lips over her lover's. "Please make love to me." She whispered.

The sound of a query or a hesitation rose in the Wicca's throat for a second, maybe less, but then dissipated as she closed her arms around the slender redhead.

"All night until the sun rises my love." She replied dipping her head to kiss Willow deeply on the mouth her hands pulling her lover's body forward to brush against her own.

"I'm sorry I've been distant." Willow managed between kisses. "It's just..." She moaned as Tara's hand trailed up her back.

"I thought we weren't saying anything." Tara kissed a softly line of wet kisses around to Willow's ear as long fingers eased one strap off the redhead's shoulder letting it loop over her lover's arm as she moved her finger tip back up to draw light circles over the pale freckled skin.

"I love you." Willow moaned as she felt her top being pulled off.

"This section finishes the book." Madalene whispered as she slid the open book into the watching Tara's hands and turned away from the scene. "I'll get lemonade. You finish reading."

Tara's eyes never strayed from the scene playing in front of her as her cousin slipped away somehow back to the real world.

"I love you with all I am." The 'other' Tara whispered running her hands over now naked shoulders.

It wasn't long before Willow felt most of her clothes stripped off and then felt the blanket she had laid on the floor against her back. Tara positioned herself carefully over her lover, herself still fully dressed as she leaned down and kissed softly in a line across Willow's body her long hair trailing over her lover's skin.

"Oh God baby I need you." Willow whimpered as she felt kisses moving down her body, she curled her hands into the blanket.

"You've got me Willow." Tara whispered between kisses her lips now travelling just over the gentle rise of Willow's breasts moving her hand too lightly cup the side. Willow's desperate body pushed up into her lips and Tara guided it to her mouth. At the same time the Wicca moving her body and legs gently nudging against Willow's closed ones.

They opened immediately, her already thick arousal filling the room with a heavy scent.

Tara moaned ever so softly and eased her body between Willow's legs pressing in close and tight as her lips and tongue continued to caress soft warm flesh.

The watching Tara softly drew her eyes from the scene to the book on her lap.

"Every time Willow and I make love, I remember again how beautiful life can be. She is my rainbow in the rain, my sunset over the mountains. I never thought I would be lucky enough to be writing something like this, never be the one to experience love in all its beauty. This was out first time since losing Buffy and it was as healing as it was beautiful." She reached to trace her fingers over the words. "Tomorrow seems less daunting now, less dark and less foreboding. I was thinking of suggesting to Dawn that we go visit Buffy, Willow mentioned something about research but I bet after this that we won't be far apart all day. My last words for tonight, and for this my first journal is this… I love Willow Rosenberg, she is my heart and my life."

It was with a heavy hand that the blonde finally let the cover fall across and close the book, the heat and scent in the room immediately drifted away. Though she could still feel the arousal in her own body, still feel the waves of love that her words had expressed. She could feel forever for a moment before the world completely shifted back to reality.

"I have lemonade." Madalene whispered as she moved back into the room after watching Tara softly close the book.

"Thank you." Tara leaned down to put the book on the floor and then reached out for the glass. "So any ideas as to what happened then?"

"No." Madalene sipped her drink tentatively. "At a guess we somehow opened up a conduit into your memories, though it seems odd that we would both share them as I wasn't there."

"Do you think that was because of our link, our birthright?" Tara asked sipping the refreshing drink

"It must be." Madalene nodded. "We've done nothing magical, there is nothing magical up here."

"It was quite…" Tara paused and smiled softly. "Amazing." She assessed knowing the word was lacking.

"Vivid." The Spellcaster nodded. "Such... " She blushed lightly. "Love."

"Oh." Tara suddenly blushed a deep hard red. "I'm sorry about that."

"No, I'm sorry I intruded." Madalene shook her head. "I didn't realise... then... she loves you." She finished simply.

"She did." Tara nodded glancing at the three remaining journals.

"Do you want to keep going?" Mads questioned in a soft voice.

"I don't know." Tara picked up the next book. It had a pale blue cover broken by small fluffy white clouds.

"Do you feel like you have answers yet?" Madalene moved back to her place on the bed.

"No." Tara admitted. "There's nothing that I've read that I hadn't heard already, the question I have is that there feels like there is something I don't know, something I haven't already heard."

Mads silently held her hand out for the second book and wasn't surprised when Tara slowly handed it over.

"Do you mind continuing?" The blonde checked.

"No, of course not. I mean as long as you don't mind me sharing." She ran her hand over the cover.

"I don't mind, if it looks like the 'other me' is heading towards embarrassing territory again, you can always slip out to get more lemonade." Tara offered with a shy smile.

"No worries." Madalene slipped her lemonade onto the side table and with a soft breath opened the cover making sure to catch the title page so that she could see it first. "This book belongs to Tara Maclay... volume two..."

"I ended the last book on such a high note, it seems wrong to begin this new volume on a lower one. But I don't have a choice." The world shifted again and they were standing in the corner of the kitchen. "Willow and I haven't had a cross word since that day, but today we did. It wasn't really Dawn's fault but she is bound to think it was should she ever find out about it, but she won't."

"Everything sucks... I hate being alive!" Dawn screamed as she stomped away from the kitchen. Inexplicably the Buffy-Bot stood happily pouring milk into a glass that was already overflowing.

"Should I stop pouring?" The robot asked in her happy morning voice.

"Yes, yes you stop pouring when the glass is full so that you don't spill it." Willow moved over and physically took the milk jug away. "Why don't you go downstairs and recharge for awhile?"

"Recharging is good." The robot smiled at Willow and made her way to the basement.

"Dawn! Dawnie." Tara moved slightly to the edge of the kitchen, but didn't pursue the teenager as loud footsteps echoed on the stairs and there came a slam of an upstairs door.

"I'm sorry." Willow apologised as she tried to clean up the latest Buffy-bot debacle.

"It's not your fault, the fact you got her head back on and she's working at all it amazing. You said yourself you don't know too much about robotics." Tara tried to be supportive.

"I'll work on her programming... it's just you don't think of the little things. Like stop pouring when the glass is full and always wear clothes in the house and out of it." Willow frowned. "It's taking so much damage on patrol, I don't know how much longer I can keep her functioning." She leaned against the counter and reached her hand up to her forehead.

"Sweetie, its not your fault." Tara crossed and ran her hand through red hair.

"We need a more permanent solution." Willow looked up slowly into blue eyes.

"Dawn just misses her sister Willow and by that I mean we all miss Buffy. It's going to take time." Tara tried to soothe.

"I might have a way to fix this." Willow's voice was quiet as she began the conversation that was playing on her mind for a bit.

"She doesn't want to go to her father." Tara said thinking that was possibly Willow's suggestion.

"No." Willow shook her head. "I found a spell." She whispered trying to make her lover understand.

"A spell to bring her back and even now, after the hours of talking, arguing and talking again, I can hardly believe that she suggested it. How many times will Willow and I have the conversation about what magic is? I love her with all my heart but this is something else entirely. Tomorrow as promised I will look at the book she mentioned, but the fact that she wont let me see the spell itself bothers me. I suppose though as I love her with my whole heart, I should trust her with it too."

The Sunnydale Animal shelter was a packed house, all the cages were overflowing with abandoned and lost animals looking for a good stable home. At the far end of the viewing area Willow had her hand jammed in between the bars stroking the small head of the lost and tired looking black lab. Its large dark eyes studied her in a desperate way as she read down the short list on the cage wall.

"Hi my name is Midnight. I was found hungry and alone after someone forgot to take me with them when they moved. I have a few medical troubles but I love people, snuggles and want nothing more than a safe and happy home where I can be a loyal and devoted friend."

Under that was written... days at the pound 97.

"Hi Midnight." Willow smiled as a long pink tongue darted out to lick her hand as the dog tried to get closer despite the cage. The dog hadn't made a noise since Willow had come in but it had gone right to the edge of the cage when the redhead had entered. Buffy and Dawn were busy with the yelping puppies but Willow had gone straight to the older dog.

"She's a lovely dog." The low warm voice of a young handler suddenly commented above her.

"Why is she still here then?" Willow looked up at the handler with a frown.

"She's shy." The answer was an easy one. "She doesn't push to see people or cover them with attention and barking."

"She came right to me." Willow turned back to the dark dog still rubbing over her snout.

"Very unusual. She has a couple of health problems too, that puts people off." The handler looked down smiling at the dog.

"Like what?" Willow asked looking into the lab's attentive eyes.

"Her ear." The young man pointed to the dark dog's left side. "We think it must have been mauled or something when she was little. It's prone to sever infections, and she only has partial hearing in it."

"Is that the only thing?" Willow reached up gently scratching behind the scarred area. Midnight seemed to appreciate the soft attention.

"She has some hip problems, but they're not a problem if her weight is kept stable. Her biggest thing, is that she hates being alone." The handler admitted sadly.

"Well there's six of us at my house." Willow smiled with a slight laugh. "You can hardly find a moment by yourself and then you have to plan for it."

"Hey Will, who you making friends with?" Buffy moved quietly up behind the redhead.

"Buffy... this is Midnight." Willow turned over her shoulder looking at the Slayer with a wide smile. "Isn't she gorgeous?"

"She's…" Buffy paused looking at the dog. "Quiet." The placid dog was quite a relief after the yapping, jumping puppies.

"Some horrible person left her and she was mauled so she has a sore ear." Willow reached for Buffy's hand letting Midnight smell it before to both their surprises the dog licked Buffy's hand and dipped its head a bit almost as if bowing to her.

"Left her?" Buffy frowned one thing that had amazed her afresh was the thoughtlessness of people as she had read the little cards throughout the pound.

"Can you believe it? She's so beautiful." Willow reached through rubbing down the dog's leg. "Do you like her?" The redhead asked the question in a tiny voice.

"Would you ladies like to take her for a walk?" The handler interrupted politely.

"Can we?" Willow perked up immediately.

"You just need to register over there, you'll get a little waistcoat and a lead. Just bring it back to me." The young man explained with a nod.

"We'll be back Midnight." Willow blew a kiss at the dog before she dragged Buffy towards the counter.

It wasn't long before both Willow and Buffy had a little waistcoat on and a long leather lead.

"You wanna go for a walk?" Willow was almost as excited as the dog came out of the cage and immediately sat at the redhead's legs looking up at Buffy ready to have the leash attached. "I think that's a yes eh?"

"I think so. The woman gave you the map of the route we're allowed to take them on right?" Buffy squatted down and reached to attach the lead to the dogs collar.

"Yep right here." Willow held it up.

"What do you think Midnight? Wanna go with us on a trip around your local park?" She asked looking into the dog's deep dark eyes.

The dog let out a single soft bark as if giving her approval as she began trotting towards the door to the outside.

"You should take her Willow." Buffy passed the leather loop to the redhead.

"I don't think she needs the lead." Willow held it loosely as the dog stayed almost exactly two steps ahead of them.

"She might not right now, but you never know when we get out to the field, she might just make a run for it. Make sure you hold it tightly." Buffy pointed out the obvious possibility.

"She seems perfect." Willow smiled as the dogs tail wagged happily as they crossed the small road and Buffy opened the gate to the small field that the pound had roped off just for this purpose.

"Nothings perfect." Buffy looked at the dog slightly pessimistically. She expected it to try something at any moment but she found herself smiling as she watched the animal's slightly uneven gate and the way she intelligently cocked her head up a the sound of birdsong or the wind in the trees. Her good ear pricking up while the other one remained low. "But she is cute."

"I bet you she's super smart." Willow patted her leg and the dog turned back to her as the redhead leaned down and undid the lead. "Sit." She commanded softly and the dog went down into a perfect pose. "Lie down." Willow grinned as Midnight leaned down fully. "Roll over." She giggled as the dog giddily went back and forth in the grass.

"Will, we're not supposed to undo her lead." Buffy admonished but found herself chuckling.

"She'll be fine." Willow reassured her. "Give her a suggestion." She encouraged the Slayer.

"A suggestion like what?" Buffy glanced around and then looked at the dog.

"Anything." Willow shrugged. "Well maybe not math or something." She laughed at her own quirky joke.

"Come here." Buffy said half-heartedly. The dog rolled up to stand and then trotted over to stand by her side. Its head was placed just inches under her hand as if it was waiting. "Yeah you got that right, what do you want from me eh?" She looked down at the dark head not moving her hand.

"She wants another command." Willow instructed.

"Go see Willow." Buffy pointed out to the redhead and the dog toddled over and sat next to the redhead looking at Buffy.

"I think she thinks your alpha." Willow smiled as she bent down to rub Midnight's head.

"She thinks I'm what?" Buffy crouched down again looking at the dog's soft friendly face tipping her head left and right as Midnight looked back at her.

"Dogs have a hierarchy, the top dog in a pack is the alpha." Willow looked at Buffy. "That's the dog all the other dogs look to for leadership and instruction." She smiled at Buffy. "She's our alpha isn't she baby." She rubbed her face into soft black fur. "She's the one who takes care of us."

"Come here." Buffy suddenly patted her thighs and opened her arms. Instantly the dog bounced over and went into her arms. She pressed both hands into soft warm fur and beamed.

"What do you think alpha?" Willow grinned at the pair of them.

"She's ok." Buffy looked up with a shrug trying to look nonchalant. At that comment the dog leaned up and gave her a wet lick across her cheek. Laughing as she wiped the kiss off her cheek she rubbed Midnight's head again looking up at Willow. "You want her?" She asked seriously.

"She needs us." Willow nodded softly.

"Do you think Dawn will like her?" Buffy checked.

"Dawn will love her." Willow beamed. "She's fluffy and kind and in need of love. Dawn's speciality."

"In that case can we put her lead back on and get rid of this fluorescent waistcoats?" Buffy laughed as she stood up.

"Come on Midnight." Willow held out her hand and the dog came over to have the lead put back on. The animal almost seemed sad and worried for a second before Willow stayed bent down and hugged her. "You get to be the newest Scooby." She reassured the dog that cuddled against her.

Madalene struggled to hold up the edge of the heavy header of wood as Xander worked quickly to hammer it into place. She knew he'd been reluctant to ask her for help but without any other choice, as it was a two-person job, he'd finally come upstairs. It had been a welcome momentary break for both her and Tara from the artificial world the books were creating, if only to give her a moment or too to calm herself and assimilate what they had been shown. She could only imagine how overwhelming the whole thing had been for Tara, who was now making them sandwiches in the kitchen. The blonde's entire demeanour was distracted to say the least, not that Madalene blamed her after all they had just literally been able to watch pieces of her past in living breathing colour.

"Xander, can I let go?" She questioned desperate to tuck the large section of hair that had fallen forward over her left eye off her face.

"Just hold it for a second more." The carpenter requested busy with what he was doing. "I'm sorry if it's really heavy. If you can just keep it level, the weight should be held by the fittings already in place in just a moment."

The Spellcaster nodded shifting her weight to assist her tiring arms as she held the beam in place. 

"We made a real mess of this place didn't we." Xander commented cheerfully as he leaned further over to secure the beam more.

"Well technically I was locked in the basement." Madalene smiled softly at him. "But yes you did."

"Oh yeah I forgot Tara and her little wiggle fingers lock trick." Xander paused to wiggle his fingers.

"She did but by the looks of it me throwing spells around only would have done more damage." Madalene admitted looking out the hole in the front wall to the lawn beyond.

"Yeah, fire damage on top of all this, not a good idea." Xander nodded thoughtfully.

"Speaking of fire, am I allowed to ask how things went with Anya last night?" She enquired softly not wanting to put too much weight behind her question.

"Oh you know it was…" Xander paused. "Strange, we talked."

"Talking is a good thing." Mads nodded seeing the puzzled look on his face.

"Yeah, but you know, not actually what I was expecting." Xander chuckled shaking his head.

"Yes and I mean this in the best way but talking might get you more of what you want then what you were expecting would have." She smiled at him.

"Yeah, I really want to work things out." Xander admitted the honest emotion. "Though I know I messed up and I know its gonna take time."

"It will." She nodded looking out at the lawn again. "But anything worth it takes time."

"Yeah." Xander nodded and then leaned back a little. "You can let go now." He pointed out.

"Thank you." Madalene lowered her arms and instantly moved to fix her hair. "Can I get you anything? A beer?" She questioned rubbing the sawdust off her hands.

"A beer sounds good to me." Xander nodded slipping his hammer into his tool belt. "Don't usually get that treatment on the job site." 

"Let me get us one then before you make me hold anything else up." She grinned at him and moved back towards the kitchen. She didn't really disturb the blonde as she worked at making their lunch, only exchanging brief smiles. Instead she went to the fridge and pulled out two tall dark bottles and turned to twist off the caps. Without really thinking about it she put one to her lips and took a few long swallows.

"How is the window?" Tara asked not looking up from her work.

"Making progress, Xander seems happy." Madalene noted moving to put the caps in the garbage. "Do you need any help?" She questioned taking another long swallow.

"No, no." Tara shook her head. "The worker needs you more than I."

"I'm just a evolved clamp." Madalene laughed lightly as she picked up both bottles and made her way back towards the living room.

"Magic beer." Xander was sat on one of the rungs of his stepladder and held his hand out smiling.

"Well more regular beer, magical barmaid." Madalene laughed and slipped the full bottle to him.

"I'll take it!" Xander nodded and took quick drink. "How's Tara doing?" He asked motioning to the kitchen with his bottle. 

"Sandwiches should be with us any minute." Madalene moved over to one of the armchairs and sat down taking a long drink.

"Great a couple of the men should be here any minute with the new window so its gonna work out fine." Xander looked back at the framework.

"How many men? Only because we're almost out of beer, so I could run to the corner store if needed." Madalene offered finishing off her bottle.

"Now there's an idea." Xander nodded as he double-checked the tightness of a bolt.

"Tell Tara I won't be long then." Madalene stood up and moved to slip on her side zipper suede boots and picked up her shoulder bag.

"You could bring chips an candy too." The carpenter grinned at her with his usual boyish charm.

"Already had it on the mental list." Madalene grinned back at him having known the carpenter would make such a request.

"See magic." Xander put his beer down and climbed back up his stepladder as she headed down the front walk.

"I have tuna, egg, cheese and pastrami." Tara talked to herself more than anyone else as walked through into the lounge a few minutes later and pointed to the different sandwiches. "These veggie here don't have Mayo for you Madalene..." She stopped near the coffee table and finally looked up confused when she didn't see her cousin.

"She went to the corner store for munchies." Xander glanced back from his perch at the top of the ladder.

"Oh." Tara's face fell slightly. "I'm sorry was I too slow?" She apologised thinking the reason for the trip was her.

"No, beer run. You're yummy sandwiches are right on time." Xander grinned stepping down. "I'm starved." He patted his stomach and grabbed a sandwich half happily. "Thanks."

"My pleasure, you're doing a great job." Tara assessed with a smile as she looked at his handiwork.

"Who would have thought the guy least likely to be good at anything was a hidden woodworker?" Xander laughed sitting down to gobble his sandwich and beer.

"Oh I don't know." Tara smiled gently as she sat down too. "Something inside me tells me you always had potential." 

"Naw." He blushed a little as he bowed his head for a moment. "How you doing?" He questioned looking back up slowly.

"Me? Oh I am fine." Tara looked down as Xander looked up.

"Crazy isn't it, all of this that's going on. Like the world keeps getting turned upside down and right side up again." He appraised glancing back at the window and sipped his beer.

"Yes, I imagine this is how it must feel for the little people in snowglobes." Tara smiled gently.

"So is everything okay with you? I mean I know it must be super weird with all of everything and us. It's okay if it's not okay by the way." Xander smiled back at her not sure if he was making much sense. "I mean I think we've all done too much of the 'yeah I'm great' when we're really falling apart thing."

"I want to be okay." Tara admitted the desire softly.

"We all want you to be." The carpenter nodded.

"I know." Tara glanced at the clock. "When did it get to be so late?" She asked frowning slightly at the time.

"Don't know." He admitted leaning to grab another sandwich. "I'm sure everyone will be coming home laden with booty from the mall soon." He laughed at the image. "Bet Buffy's got another new pair of boots to ruin on patrol."

"Her poor wardrobe." Tara laughed at the thought too.

"Takes a real beating." Xander nodded. "Sorta like the house." He motioned back to the window and it made Tara chuckle again. "Though come to think of it, maybe I should have went with Mads." He looked out at the sky. "You never know what's lurking in Sunnydale."

"I could go after her." Tara offered without thinking as she sat up and moved to the edge of her seat.

"No, it's fine." Xander shook his head cursing himself for worrying the blonde. "I'm probably just being silly, after all she's spell girl."

"But she's not used to doing that kind of spell." Tara frowned. "Perhaps I should..." Se stood up and moved to look out of the hole into the yard.

"It's still daylight and she's only going to the corner store." Xander stood up to look with her. "Don't let my paranoia get to you."

"No, you're right." Tara moved away and sat down again, only to stand up moments later. "Xander there is a large van pulling up." She nodded to the white truck that came to a squeaky halt at the end of the driveway.

"One window to order." Xander smiled at the crews' punctuality and moved out to meet them.

Madalene vaguely realised she had not only walked quickly to the local corner store but that she had walked right past it and continued down the street in a slight daze. Part of her mind was trying to figure out why she felt this sudden fuzzy weight on her at all while the other part was just wallowing in it.

The thin sweater and pants she had put on for a day inside the house didn't do much to cut the cool fall breeze as it slipped off the houses and wiped through her. Though slowly the chilled feeling had helped her body feel as displaced in the world as her mind did right now.

She had spent most of the morning watching history, watching life played out from Tara's carefully written words and though at the time it had only left her awed by the experience, now that she was distanced from the memories it left her feeling empty. After all what journals were there carefully being held by a friend for her? What memories were left for her to discover? The resounding answer to both was none.

Stopping at a street light she cursed herself for impulsively chugging the frothy beer as she talked to Xander. It had been unusual for her and now it just left her thirsty and with a strange thick feeling on top of everything else. Her clarity was gone and for a moment a strange part of her mind just suggested that she keep walking and not turn around. She'd very successfully not been a part of this world that had abandoned her now for three years. She could slip back to that life again couldn't she? Had she really come that far away from it anyway as she borrowed time with Tara and her friends?

Not really thinking she moved around a corner and began down another street as she walked past another corner store.

"I just need to clear my head." She reassured herself reaching up to rub her temple.

***

Willow held the door open waiting patiently for Buffy to lug the large oversized bag of dog food inside. She grinned happily as Dawn held tight to Midnight's lead, though the dark dog seemed quite happy to patiently wait to go indoors to her new home.

"This is your home Midnight." Willow informed the dog enthusiastically holding the bag with her new water and food bowl.

"Hey there Buf, you started eating crunchy meaty bites?" Xander read off the side of the large bag that Buffy carried in

"No, no." Willow came in after her with Dawn and Midnight. "Xander meet the newest Scooby." She bounced up and down as did Dawn as the dog came in to sit in the doorway and looked at the carpenter.

"Will, Dawn, a dog followed you home." Xander pointed at the large dog.

"No, silly." The redhead laughed. "We picked her at the pound, her name is Midnight." She bent down and rubbed around her ears. "Say hello to Xander." She encouraged and the dog promptly gave a short hello bark.

"I thought you were going to the mall." Xander frowned slightly.

"We were." Dawn filled in. "Then we decided we needed a dog. She's so smart Xander."

"Does it bite?" Xander asked suspiciously.

"No." Willow shook her head looking at him. "Come here and say hi." She encouraged him.

Slowly Xander reached out and rubbed lightly over one of Midnights ears.

"Hello dog." He sad with a slight smile.

"Midnight." Dawn prompted.

"Where's Tara? We have to show her."

"She's having a lie down." Xander pointed up the stairs. "I think we gave her a headache putting the window in."

"I'll go check if she's asleep and show Midnight around." Willow grinned and moved with the dog towards the stairs.

"Where's Madalene? She has to meet her too." Dawn happily hung up her jacket as the dog moved with Willow upstairs sniffing everything carefully as it oriented itself.

"Will, is the dog going up stairs?" Buffy came back into the lounge and saw the pair on the stairs.

"Yeah." Willow stopped near the top and peered over the railing at her.

"Well not on the beds." She insisted.

"What?" Dawn pouted. "I wanted her to sleep in my room."

"Dawn we just got her from the pound, she might have germs." Buffy pointed out. "Not that pounds are dirty or germy, just know you, she's a dog."

"Then we'll give her a bath, you are such a phobic." Dawn shook her head as she moved to the stairs.

"She has a vets appointment tomorrow, if she gets the all clear then she can have a basket on the landing." Buffy offered.

"Meanie." Dawn muttered looking at Willow, who turned apparently agreeing out of sight as they moved down the hall.

"Wow a dog." Xander looked at Buffy with a raised eyebrow. "You got suckered didn't you?"

"Do you have any idea it is to say no to Willow, Dawn and a real pair of puppy eyes? Well dog eyes." Buffy shook her head.

"I'm guessing impossible." Xander laughed. "But hey look, cheer up cause we have a brand new window." He made a motion with his arms to the new bay.

"I noticed as I came up the drive." Buffy nodded.

"So heap on the praise and impressed words of happiness." Xander puffed up his chest.

"I will pay you." She pointed out moving over to run her hand over the new wood.

"Naw, it's covered." He shook his head. "Friend of a friend gave me a favour."

"Who's the big man eh?" Buffy smiled at her friend.

"I'm the big man." Xander puffed up more. "Big man with a tool belt."

"Okay enough." Buffy laughed softly.

"Come on I get a minute every now and then." Xander laughed as he bent down to finish cleaning up his tools.

"You're great Xander." Buffy smiled.

"Thank you." He smiled back at her.

"Though I do feel I have to point out that I leave you in the house with two women, and I come back and neither are around." Buffy smiled. "What have you done to them?"

"Yeah makes me wonder where the hell Madalene went to get beer." Xander looked back at the clock. "I mean I figured she'd go to the 7-11, but I didn't think that would take an hour an a half."

"Did you call her on the cell phone?" Buffy felt her anxiety notch up a little.

"The witch has a cell phone?" Xander questioned puzzled.

"No Xander." Buffy huffed slightly and crossed over to the cabinet ad picked up the redundant cell phone. "This is the cell phone, I knew you were asleep in that house meeting."

"I was tried." He frowned. "Hey it's not even dark out, I mean she's probably just taking the long way. She likes nature."

"She's got thirty minutes before she gets me looking for her." Buffy pointed out.

"I'm sure if something was up she would have done the mind thing with Tara." Xander saw the tension in Buffy's shoulders and regretted saying anything.

"I thought that was vetoed with Tara being all tired and everything." Buffy pointed out.

"I meant more in a something sinister going on sorta worrying the slayer way, not a hey they don't have the right beer should I get an import?" Xander tried to explain.

"Yeah whatever, is there any food, I'm hungry." The Slayer pointed out.

"Tara made sandwiches, she wrapped them up in the fridge for you." Xander nodded. "She made your favourite too."

"God its good to have her back isn't it?" Buffy moved off towards the kitchen.

"It is." Xander smiled broadly as he finished packing up.

***

Having bought one of more or less every type of snack she figured the carpenter could want, Madalene decided to grab a coffee, before buying the beer. After all beer was heavy and her head was still feeling less than organised. But as she sat in the busy coffee shop she was beginning to think that it hadn't been such a good idea after all. The hum of chatter and laughter was beginning to make her headache and her ears painful.

Staring down into her dark hot drink Madalene tried desperately to clear her crowded, busy mind, focusing on the slight swirl she made in the liquid with her spoon she let her mind slip into a meditational state letting the noises of the café slip away.

As the background noise just dropped off leaving the witch surrounded with deep silence, Madalene looked up slowly, out of the four-pane window to the dark night sky at the bright full moon.

'When did it get dark?'

Closing her eyes again she took a deep breath and felt her warm exhale cause steam on the window as the strange condensation pooled back at her.

'What are you doing?' She questioned herself as she looked down at the almost bursting packed knapsack that was stood on the floor near her feet. 'This is insane, you should be asleep. You shouldn't be waiting here for her when she's probably just joking and not going to show up and...'

Turning Madalene picked up the small metal alarm clock tilting it up to see it was just past midnight. Looking back this time she focused on the slightly overgrown yard, past the dark red barn and rows of corn stalks. She signed heavily.

"I've lost my mind." She shook her head again reaching to put the clock back.

"Ye-Ha come on baby, our ticket out of here just came up." In a swirl of dust and with the slight squeal of disagreeing breaks a small dirt bike pulled up into the backyard. Its driver, dressed in blue jeans and a leather jacket, had shocking red hair that stuck out from under her helmet, a dark back pack was strapped to the back of the bike.

Madalene felt her breath catch as she argued with herself at the sight in the yard.

"Are you insane?" Madalene pushed the window open without thinking and threw the bag out before she slid down the rusted awning and landed shakily on the grown. "You're going to wake the whole house." She saw the lights go on and cast shadows onto the dirt ground. Hastily she slipped the bag onto her shoulders.

"Yeah probably, I did a psyche test once that said I was kinda odd." The driver glanced up at the house with a shrug. "And hey, I'm your Knight in shining armour, isn't there supposed to be more swooning and more thankful kisses?" The redheaded driver revved the engine on the bike.

"When Daddy gets the shotgun levelled you'll be glad I waited." Madalene scowled as she climbed up on the back of the bike. "Go!" She slipped her arms around the woman's waist and hid her head into aged leather.

"You got it." The bike was revved more and then skidded slightly as it sped out and away from the house.

The noise ringing in her ears made the Spellcaster's head snapped up, catching sight of a motor bike that sped past the café's window.

"What the hell?" Madalene looked round to see that the coffee shop had cleared and filled with different people since she had last checked. She pressed her hand to her head and rubbed the furrows in her brow. "I need to get out of here." She pushed the chair back and stumbled outside.

***

Willow carefully opened the closed door to their bedroom, noticing how in the dim afternoon there were no other lights on. That fact suggested to her that the blonde must be asleep but she moved in silently to check as Dawn showed Midnight around the rest of the upstairs. Moving over to the bed she eased down leaning to silently look at the blonde.

"Tara?" She whispered ever so carefully as she enjoyed watching the woman's content face.

"Mmmm Willow." Tara replied from her sleep, sifting a little under the sheet. 

"Just wanted you to know I was home baby." Willow reached up and brushed light fingers over her cheek. "You keep getting nice naps, we have a surprise for when you wake up."

The blonde's blue eyes didn't open as she turned over to face Willow on her side, causing a pink covered note book to slip from were it had rested on her stomach  
over her hip an on to the mattress.

"Mmmmm surprise." She mumbled.

The small book instantly made Willow's face scrunch up as she tried to figure out how she remembered it. It was with an almost sickly recollection that she realized what it was.

"Your diary." She whispered almost in amazement to herself as she reached out to pick up the fallen book.

"Midnight wants to meet..." Dawn's voice suddenly whispered as the door inched open and the teenager's head and a black furry one peeked around. "Oh sorry, are you reading her a story, I remember how you used to do that when she was sleeping." She apologised and moved to back out.

"No... I..." Willow felt her fingers tighten around the book.

"It's ok." Dawn beamed not picking up on the redhead's vibes. "I think Midnight is hungry. I'll take her downstairs and she can meet Tara later." She pulled the dog lightly backwards.

Willow couldn't find the words to protest as Dawn guided the dog back and she heard their footsteps head down the hallway. A hard tremor entered her hand as she turned the book over and carefully closed it, a glance to the bedside table her showed the other two piles of books. A thousand questions came to her mind before all of it was drowned out by the overwhelming fear.

'How much had Tara read? Does she know what I had done to her?' The redhead questioned silently. She had wanted to tell her, tell her in her own words not in some horrible story way. 

"Mmmm Willow..." A mumble came from the sleeping blonde as her arm reached out to lie across her non-existent bed partner only to find an empty area of bedclothes. A louder almost annoyed moan followed when the arm found no one.

"I'm here baby." Willow moved down picking up Tara's arm and moved to lie down under it.

"You're home sweetie." Tara instantly snuggled closer.

"I am." Willow answered in short sentences not trusting her voice. She breathed out as the blonde's heated body came to rest close to hers.

"I missed you." Tara nuzzled her head up into Willow's back.

"I missed you too baby." Willow let the book drop out of her hand to the bed and turned to snuggle her arm around the blonde.

"Cuddle me." Tara inched closer.

"I love you." Willow whispered closing her eyes, still afraid her voice would betray her as she pulled Tara as tightly to her as she could.

"I love you." Tara confirmed almost silently as the added comfort let her drift into a deeper sleep.

-x-

Madalene was more than aware she didn't really know Sunnydale. As she moved through the streets downtown something about the slightly aged sign that spelled out 'The Bronze' looked welcoming. Lazily crossing the quiet street she walked up to the door where an enormous doorman glanced down at her.

"You want something?" He asked with a smirk.

"Yes I…" Madalene glanced down at herself suddenly remembering she was hardly dressed appropriately for a club, especially carrying a bag of snacks.

"She's with me." From behind the Spellcaster a deep voice called out to the bouncer and the hulk of a man immediately looked over her to the voice. Madalene glanced behind her to look up at the tall man in the lead of a small group of people.

"Okay go in." He stepped out of the way and issued them all past the front door.

"Thank you." Madalene said as she moved with them to the bar.

"It's ok, here let me get you a drink." The young man asked poised to add another drink to his order.

"Just an orange juice please." Madalene accepted looking around, she could feel the thick feeling settling into her head and it was hard to remember exactly where she was.

"The barman's dealing with it. I'm Josh by the way and these are my friends, Christian, Jay and Colly. If you feel like company later just head on over and join us." With the offer and a bright smile Josh picked up his drink and moved off to the small table that his friends had settled at.

Madalene opened her mouth to thank him again, but he'd already moved on. Moments later the bartender presented her with an orange coloured drink. The Spellcaster took it and drunk it more or less instantly and only after the glass was finished did she notice the slight after taste in the orange juice.

'Probably orange juice Sunnydale style.' She told herself as she ordered a refill and climbed up to sit on a barstool. Maybe in here she'd find the distraction she needed to clear her head.

"Okay that's it, I'm going to look for her." Buffy pushed up off the couch and looked at Xander.

"But Buffy how can you walk away from hippos on the nature channel?" The carpenter pouted as he laughed loudly at the scenes on the TV.

"I do it like this." Buffy walked with exaggerated movements to the hall.

"You look annoyed Buffy, Mads might be just you know loving the nature. You know how those witchy types are." Xander pointed out.

"I do but there is only so much nature communing one Spellcaster can do." Buffy objected with a sigh. "And that's not my point, she could have called."

"Okay point taken." The carpenter backed down a little. "But when you find her chatting to a tree or something go easy on her."

"I hear you." Buffy grinned at him relenting a little. "Keep your eye on those hippos, they're not as innocent as they look you know." She winked pulling on her jacket.

"The Xan-man is on the job." Xander waved as the door closed behind the Slayer.

Madalene had moved to sit in a booth when balancing on the stool seemed to be strangely difficult. The Spellcaster had decided since she was in a club she might as well have a real drink and so she was taking sips of the Jack Daniel's with ice she'd ordered. She felt better than she had as she did. Everything felt less cluttered and fuzzier. Fuzzy was good the Spellcaster decided. Fuzzy stopped the questions, stopped the confusion.

With a hollow chuckle Madalene down her drink and crunched on the ice cube. She then pushed back in the booth and rested her head on the padded back, letting her eyes close and the music in the club sink through into her being.

"Why do these places play bad music?"

Madalene opened her eyes and looked into dark blue ones before her.

"Because it's a highway rest stop, it's what they do." She heard herself reply smiling slightly.

"I guess." The redhead opposite her smiled.

"Do you think they followed us?" Madalene almost whispered the words afraid of the answer as she looked around the small diner.

"Nope." The redhead squinted into the distance out of the window. "They're probably just all around yelling at each other about who let who get away." She smiled and pushed a hand into her long wild red locks giving them a shake before flicking them back over her shoulder.

"You were late." Madalene gave a relieved laugh and moved around the booth seat to hug the other woman unexpectedly.

"Sorry." The redhead hugged her back. "Would you believe it if I said I was out of gas." She gave a bright crooked smile.

"Oh Texas, I knew you didn't read the note I left you about getting gas." Madalene pulled back and swatted her gently. "God this coffee is good I was so cold." She clutched her hands around the mug in her hand.

"You're blood is way too thin." Texas laughed. "You know if you're really cold we could always get a room for the night."

"Can we still make the bus station in Barkton by four?"

"Sure." The woman's tone was convincing.

"Go get the room then." Madalene smiled.

"You sure? I mean we can sleep in the bus station if you'd rather not chance it." The redhead hesitated.

"No go on, just make sure it's clean." Madalene encouraged her.

"One clean, warm room for two coming up." With a nod and a grin the redhead got up. She leaned forward quickly and kissed the Spellcaster on the mouth. "Don't go anywhere." She winked before moving to dash away. She stopped and turned a little way away from the table. "You want anything else?"

"Miss, you want anything else?"

Madalene's eyes snapped open, she blinked hard and looked up. A slim pretty waitress stood by the edge of the booth she occupied in the Bronze.

"I…" Madalene looked down at her glass and then around the club, "Another drink." She said hearing her own voice shake a little. The young woman nodded and moved away as Madalene took a deep breath. "I definitely need another drink."

Buffy was running out of places to look. It had been bad enough leaving the house to come and look for the Spellcaster in the first place. That she had made it to the local corner store and back to the house hadn't made her feel any better. She'd briefly checked in on everyone at the house and picked up a stake before she went on a proper search and rescue mission.

Willow hadn't appeared from upstairs since going to show Tara the dog and needless to say the Wicca hadn't appeared either. When Dawn hadn't returned Buffy had gone up and found her asleep on the bed curled up with Midnight who the Slayer swore had played asleep just so she wouldn't be moved. Xander was marvelling over his partition wall in the basement, but only doing so to hide the fact he was nervous about Madalene.

Now she was back on the street and had found no trace of the witch in any of the normal places; the Magic Box, the coffee shop, the cemetery. Buffy realised she was running out of ideas.

As she walked down the slightly busy main street, Buffy considered just going home again but then her eyes caught the vaguely glowing sign of the Bronze in the growing darkness and she had a vague purpose again.

"Okay Mads, I'll try it, but you better not be in here." Buffy moved off to the door to be let in immediately by the bouncer.

'Places were supposed to change weren't they?' Buffy thought as she moved into the nightclub. 'Because this place never does.' She glanced vaguely around the semi filled room, there was no live band and so the DJ was working hard to keep the crowd busy and happy.

The Slayer probably would have noticed the slightly worried undertone in the bar if she had not of been focused on simply worrying about where Madalene was. Nervously the bartender was cleaning glasses behind the bar, trying not to drop his glass as another of the liqueur bottles lifted up off its perch and began floating across the expanse of the dance floor. A slim trail of ice and then finally the clean glass was plucked out of his hand to follow it.

All of the items followed a slightly choppy line before landing on the table of the side booth on the far wall. The ice landing in the glass was drowned out by the music as the bottle tilted up and poured itself out before from the obstructed side of the booth a slim hand came out to encircle it, the drinker's wrist encased in a thick silver bracelet. Within a few quick swallows the glass came down empty and the bottle floated up to fill it again.

Hazel eyes finally scanned over to the area, just as a stray light caught the silver bracelet.

"Oh Great." Buffy hissed as she moved with purpose to the booth.

She reached the edge and leaned heavily on the out hanging curve of wood that marked the end of the booth. She coughed lightly as she turned to look at the witch. The interrupting noise made Madalene slowly put the glass back down and she swallowed before looking up and with a purposed blink opened her eyes. 

"Buffy." She seemed to point out confirming what her intuition had been trying to tell her. She let her head lean back against the cushion of the booth a little heavier.

"I'm not even sure you're sober enough to tell what the hell you are playing at." Buffy sighed again as she looked at the empty array of bottles on the table.

"Playing?" Madalene quirked up an eyebrow. "I have no idea what you're talking about." She shook her head and her eyes closed as the motion made her a bit dizzy.

"You went to buy beers and snacks four hours ago." Buffy put her hand on her hip  
her hazel eyes twitched slightly in annoyance.

"I guess I'm a bit overdue." Madalene looked past Buffy to the bar. "I can get you a drink though if you want some." Within a few seconds a couple of beers landed on the table.

"I think it's more than time that you went home." Buffy sighed again.

"And where would that be exactly?" Madalene closed her eyes and lifted the drink towards her lips again. "The icy barn I crawled out of."

"Madalene please come on, I think you've gotten more attention that the both of us can cope with this evening. I'm sure we can sort this, whatever this is at my house." Buffy reworded her push to go home.

"Fine, I don't like the music here anyway." Madalene finished off the drink and put the glass down pushing it away. "Here." She reached beside her and held up a large shopping bag to the Slayer before she attempted to stand up.

"Okay, steady does it." Buffy jumped to help her.

"Buffy, I'm a half demon witch I think I can handle..." Madalene went to defiantly stand up when the floor under her seemed to turn to water and she stumbled sideways.

"Oh crap." Buffy hissed as Mads slipped from her support and slowly landed on the floor. "How am I going to do this inconspicuously?" She said to herself, shaking her head as she crouched down to gather the Spellcaster up.

"Hey there, do you need a hand?"

Buffy turned her head and looked up, into a pair of deep brown eyes. A tall well built young man with round glasses smiled at her.

"I think my friends drank a little too much." Buffy smiled awkwardly.

"Well you could call a cab, I can get her up for you." He offered helpfully.

Buffy glanced down at the barely conscious witch, wondering how to play it. With another sigh she pushed up from her knees. After all the laws of physics screamed she shouldn't really be able to hoist Madalene up onto her shoulder and carry her home, even if in fact that had been exactly what she planned on doing. 

"Thank you." She gave the young man a smile as she crossed to the bar to make the phone call though she never turning her back on the pair. 

"No problem." He nodded and delicately bent down, surprised by just how light Madalene was as he scooped her up and moved over towards Buffy who he knew was being very careful to watch him.

Buffy made the call to the Cab Company brief, and then she made a second call to Xander to let him know she'd found the missing Spellcaster. 

"I don't mean this in as any judgement but she's really had a lot to drink." He offered to Buffy as she hung up the phone. "I mean in the way that I was surprised she didn't pass out along time ago."

"Well thanks for keeping your eye on her." Buffy gave him another slightly awkward smile.

"My pleasure." He smiled back at her.

"I don't mean to keep you from your friends, that is if you are here with friends." Buffy looked out into the busy club. 

"No, it's fine. I think taking care of your friend is of slightly more importance than my meeting." He didn't look away from Buffy.

"Yeah, she's not exactly used to drinking I don't think." Buffy looked at the Spellcaster. "I'm Buffy by the way." She extended her hand to him wanting to check if her slayer sense was going to go off.

"Christian." He moved one hand slightly from under Madalene and shook the Slayer's. "And most of the witches I know don't drink at all usually, it interferes with the Kalum."

"With the what? And did you just say witches" Buffy looked up her hand still in Christian's with her face more than slightly bemused.

"Sorry, I assumed since you didn't seem anything more than upset with her for being drunk when you came in that you were aware of her abilities." He blushed slightly realising his slip. "And Kalum is an ancient tradition of physical purity."

"No, I mean I'm more than aware that Mads is that is she might well have some abilities that could possibly be defined as witchy. If indeed witches even existed, but I mean I didn't think, that is..." Buffy sighed and frowned. "I'm not sure that Mads is thinking about her calim or whatever you said right now." She assessed.

"No, she seems rather distraught." He looked down at the still unconscious witch and frowned.

"Not as upset as Xander." Buffy said very quietly under her breath.

"I'm sure whatever trouble they are having will work itself out, nothing conquers like love." He tried to be reassuring.

"Yeah you'd think that eh." Buffy gave a sad chuckle. "Well, I'd better manhandle her outside." She glanced to the door.

"I can carry her out if you'd like, it's no trouble." He offered.

"Really you've been such a help but I don't want to impose on you." Buffy glanced at the small group of people that Christian had left.

"Please it's no imposition, I already have her." Christian shook his head and motioned for her to start towards the door. "My colleagues will wait." He nodded towards the table and the two other nicely dressed men and one woman turned back to their conversation.

Madalene wasn't quite able to explain how much the world had shifted as she woke up her forehead leaned against something very cold and damp.

'Glass.' Her mind seemed to release as she jerked her face back and tried to get her bearings. 

"Where am I?" Madalene blinked as she looked at the glass partition in front of her trying to figure out what was going on.

"Right now I am tempted to say 'work it out'." Buffy replied curtly.

"Buffy?" Madalene reached a hand up to her swimming head and turned towards the Slayer.

"No, I'm a talking pink elephant who dances and slays vampiric mice for fun." Buffy had no idea why she was so snippy especially as Madalene was insanely drunk. But as she had spent the latter part of the evening worry and pacing the streets for the Spellcaster only to find her completely drunk at the local club, she reminded herself that she did have a reason to be pissed.

'When was the last time I got the night of to get completely off my face?' She thought to herself annoyed. 'When was the last time I got to forget my responsibilities and all the people that worry about me and just take off and drink myself into a nice numb state.' She let her mind dwell on the thoughts for a moment oblivious.

Having gotten no answer from her Buffy hallucination Madalene reached out running her hand down the glass again. It was cold, too cold.

"Let me out." She smacked her hand against the glass closing her eyes as she tried to find something in her liquid brain to focus.

"Oh perfect break the cab." Buffy shook her head and reached out for Madalene's wrist. "Easy on the transport Mads."

"You can't make me cold again... I won't be cold." Madalene pulled her hand away from the gentle attempt and managed to get her fingers around the handle of the door.

"Er, you can pull over here. We can walk to the end of the round, thanks." Buffy called to the cab driver who was happy to pull the cab into the curb. "Okay go for your life." She leaned over and flicked open the car door.

The opening door seemed to be all the prompting the intoxicated Spellcaster needed as she literally crawled out onto the small patch of lawn before the sidewalk and then kept going. Her slurred voice mumbling over and over about being cold and some quest to get away from it. 

Buffy leaned back, paid the driver and got out of her side of the cab not forgetting to pick up the bag of munchies that Madalene had actually bought. The Slayer slipped the bag up on her arm further and then crossed to the slowly crawling Spellcaster.

"Okay, enough communing with nature." Buffy squatted down close to Madalene. "You just qualified for a Slayer lift home, you lucky contestant you." 

Buffy made short work of gathering the Spellcaster in her arms, and pushing up from the floor. Thankfully home was literally eight houses down from where they were. Not that carrying Madalene was a problem just that Buffy wanted to get home.

"Christ Buffy, what's wrong with her?" Xander had been keeping an eye out by the door and came out when he saw them arrive.

"She's drunk." Buffy said succinctly.

"Drunk?" Xander held the door open as Buffy carried her in. "You better put her downstairs." He slid by them and opened the door to the basement.

"And risk her puking on the new flooring you just laid?" Buffy arched an eyebrow and carried Madalene to the couch. "This is fine and beside there is a kitchen close by and a bathroom."

"Yeah but Buffy..." He moved back and looked to the stairs. "Tara might come down." He shuffled a bit from foot to foot.

"Tara has seen drunk people before. Well before she died and forgot what they are like." Buffy rethought and rephrased quickly.

"But this is her cousin and I mean this doesn't seem like Mads much. Maybe we should figure out what's going on." He tried to urge her.

"She's drunk Xander, it's always really hard to figure out why someone got drunk, when they're drunk." Buffy pulled back from the couch where she had rested Madalene and stood up. "She can sleep it off on the couch and then explain all to who ever she wants in the morning." She glanced around looking for the blanket they always kept either on the couch or a near by chair. "Okay where is the blanket?" She frowned slightly unable to find it.

"I think... Dawn took it up for Midnight." Xander shrugged slightly stepping back. He knew Buffy pissed off voice and he hadn't quite heard this edge of sharpness in it for along time.

"Perfect." Buffy growled.

"No biggie, I can get one from downstairs." Xander made a motion backwards.

"Okay well as everyone else seems to have decided what they are doing with their evening I had better be the one to do what I'm supposed to do." Buffy just moved to the weapons chest and picked out some stakes and a small axe. 

"Do you want me to come with?" Xander checked not sure what he wanted the answer to be.

"No, you'd better make sure Mads is ok." Buffy shook her head and stalked back to the door. "If Dawn comes down again, tell her she's in big trouble about the dog." Buffy pulled the front door open. 

Willow's sleeping body jumped awake as the front door slammed and the noise reverberated up the wall into the bedroom. Blinking slightly she tried to remember falling asleep, but as she became conscious of the warm body wrapped around hers the reason was easy to figure out.

Tara relaxed her arms slightly as Willow's body made the slight upward movement  
and a soft sigh escaped her lips as she turned her head to face away from the redhead's.

"It's okay baby just the door." Willow tried to ease Tara's waking as she let her arm stay loosely around the blonde's stomach and she rubbed softly with her open palm.

"Who's using the door?" Tara grumbled softly.

"Buffy must have gone on patrol." Willow laughed lightly at the sleepy grumpy voice.

"Oh okay." Tara seemed eased by the answer and slowly opened blue eyes. "When did you get home?" She asked smiling. 

"Mmmm a few hours ago." Willow smiled back. "You were all warm and snugly and you tricked me into having a nap with you."

"Tricked you did I?" Tara's smirk grew wider as she woke up.

"Oh yes, you were all with compliments and all warm and you snuggled up in a way you knew I couldn't resist." Willow teased her with the truth.

"Mmmm I can be a wicked girlfriend." Tara giggled. "So what did you buy me oh great Mall explorer and why is it so dark?" She added with a light frown.

"It's night-time and I got you Midnight." Willow leaned forward and brushed her lips against Tara's frown hoping to make it disappear.

"Is it?" Tara glanced very quickly at the bedside clock to confirm the time and then looked back at her girlfriend. "Is Midnight a perfume I like?" she asked hoping not to offend but she didn't remember anything specific about 'Midnight".

"No, what me to go get her so you can see?' Willow could hear the excitement in her own voice.

"Of course, anything that has you get the Willow twinkle must be worth seeing." Tara dabbed her finger lightly on Willow's nose beaming brightly.

It hadn't taken the redhead long to locate the newest Scooby, just a few steps into the hallway and a light whistle instantly caused the dark head of the Labrador to come poking around the corner of Dawn's partially open door. Happily she moved over to Willow excited to see that one of her owners was awake again. 

Taking the time to first give the dog a light pat and check to make sure she was looking her best, Willow turned and led her back into the bedroom.

"Tara, this is Midnight." She almost cracked with happiness as she reached down to rub the dog's head as they stood at the bottom of the bed.

"Midnight's a dog!" Tara squeaked from the bed and pushed to sit up as she flicked on the lamp near the bed. She cast bright smiles between Willow and the black lab.

"Our new doggie." Willow kissed Midnight's head and then motioned. "Go meet Tara." The dog almost immediately moved over and with a little effort lifted herself onto the high bed and plodded over the blankets to Tara.

"Hello sweetie." Tara hand a long hand over Midnight's soft head taking the time to tickle a little behind one ear. The lab leaned into her hand moving her body around so that she could be leaned up against the blonde. Willow felt her cheek muscles hurt from smiling as she moved over to sit with them.

"Isn't she gorgeous?." She gushed reaching out to play with the dog's wagging happy tail.

"But you can't have got her from the mall." Tara pointed out somewhat stupidly stroking the soft warm fur over and over.

"No, we went to the pound and rescued her. She's so smart Tara, she know every command you can give her." Willow tried to convince the blonde rather unnecessarily how great the dog was. "Some not nice person moved and didn't take her with them, she has a bit of a poorly ear but she's super lovely."

"Well I can see that." Tara smiled and rubbed the very end of Midnight's snout.

"We thought she'd be better than a sweater or anything." Willow giggled as Tara and Midnight appraised each other before the dog simply did a few turns and curled up next to the blonde content.

"Much better." Tara nodded letting the dog settle. She moved the sheet a little so that it didn't bunch up beneath the long dog wanting the animal to be comfortable. Midnight didn't go to sleep, she just appraised them with her pink tongue lapping happily out of the side of her mouth.

"Love you." Willow underlined looking happily at her girlfriend.

"I think she knows that after all you rescued her." Tara grinned and ran her hand over and over the attentive dog's head.

"No, I love you." Willow laughed and scooted over leaning towards Tara. "She knows I love her already."

"Oh me." Tara looked up smiling. "Well that's a good thing." She nodded looking into green eyes.

"It's the best thing in the whole world." Willow underlined looking into blue.

"Oh I just thought Xander must have got the window all finished by now." Tara sat up a bit.

"He had it done when we got in." Willow nodded. "You must be hungry? Do you want me to get you something?"

"Mmmm a girlfriend who tricks you into bed and then wants feeding, are you sure you want to keep me?" Tara grinned and shifted slightly.

"Most definitely." Willow gave an exaggerated nod. "Want a lifetime guarantee too."

"And what about Midnight, does she need food too/?" Tara looked down into large round dark eyes.

"I don't know, I think Dawn might have fed her. We could check couldn't we girl?" Willow reached out and patted her head. 

"We could all go check." Tara offered.

Willow nodded and got up, she wasn't really surprised when Midnight followed suit and she moved around offering her hand to Tara. 

Tara tried to casually step over the notebook on the floor as they crossed around the bed and to the door, deliberately not even glancing at it or any of the others in the room as they walked out onto the landing.

"Is Dawnie asleep?" Tara asked glancing at the teenager's semi-open door.

"Hey you guys are awake." Dawn appeared almost on cue at the end of the hall having come up the stairs. "Going down for something to eat? I could bring it up to you. Service with a smile." She smiled broadly glancing back nervously downstairs.

"Your smile is lovely." Tara smiled back. "But it's okay my legs do work." She turned and grinned softly at Willow before looking back at Dawn.

"Actually... um... Xander has the living room in a mess with the window... so how about I brave the danger and you guys stay up here?" Dawn put her hands up without thinking to block the path.

"I thought you said Xander was finished with the window sweetie." Tara frowned softly and looked at Willow.

"I thought he had, it was in the wall and everything." Willow blinked remembering that it had been, she frowned back not understanding.

"Oh no Willow was telling the truth, just he wasn't happy with the window something or other bit so he decided to fix it and well wow big mess down there." Dawn made an exaggerated gesture. "So what do you want? Drinks? Food?"

"Dawn sweetie, I can cope with a bit of a mess, and besides, I think Midnight wants to go to the little doggies room." Tara grinned at her girlfriend and then the dog before looking at the teenager.

"Right." Dawn put her arms down a little deflated. "Come on Midnight." She patted her leg and the dog came over to follow her down the stairs.

Tara stood and watched Midnight and the teenager move off down the stairs before looking at Willow. 

"Is it me or was Dawnie, odd?" Tara asked beginning to move down the stairs. 

"Odd." Willow nodded gently. She let the blonde go first and carefully followed.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Suddenly the dancing figure of Xander appeared at the bottom of the stairs, waving his arms slightly. "Its my two favourite ladies well you know two of my favourite cause I understand that you are each others most favourite and so I can only have you as part favourites but you know, all the same, here you both are. All up and awake-ish." He smiled at them.

"Hi Xander." Willow looked at him oddly his little display distracting her. Tara merely smiled in her gently yet confused way.

"So what you doing out of bed?" Xander queried and then flushed red. "Not that you two should be in bed all the time. Not that I think about you in bed, ever, hardly ever…"

"Xander!" Dawn yelped at him from archway where she was strategically trying to block the view into the living room. "They were going to take Midnight outside." She tried to get him to move so they could in turn go past the living room.

"I actually said that out loud didn't I?" Xander threw dawn a glance over his shoulder. 

"Yes, you spazz." Dawn rolled her eyes as Tara, who was by now rather a bright shade of red, coughed softly. 

"Does anyone mind if we actually move off the stairs?" She enquired looking around at the small group of people.

"Down, you actually want to come down?" Xander checked looking past Tara at Willow.

"To the kitchen, going right to the kitchen they are." Dawn made an airline stewardess motion through the hallway to the kitchen.

"Oh the kitchen, why didn't you say, you ran out of things to eat huh." Xander laughed clownishly as Tara's blue eyes flared wide.

"What's going on in the living room?" Willow ignored his comment and tried to look over Dawn's head from her vantage point. "I don't see any tools to work on the window." She pointed out.

"DAWN." Xander said quickly and far louder than he had wanted too. "Homework, all over..."

"It's a total mess down here, like Hiroshima without the radioactivity." Dawn glared at him as she made another series of gestures.

"Sweetie?" Tara enquired gently to see what her girlfriend thought of the situation.

"Who's lying on the couch?" Willow's eyes went wide as she saw a boot slip outside of the blanket edge. "Oh my God, did Buffy get hurt on patrol?" She stared gripping her hand on the banister.

"Or Direwolf, there wasn't another was there?" Tara too went ashen faced.

"No." Dawn frowned knowing they hadn't done a very good job. "It's..."

Xander let his arms drop into a normal position as he backed up a bit from the bottom of the stairs. 

"Madalene." He glanced over to the couch. Blue eyes flashed over the instant the name was out of the carpenter's mouth.

"Is she hurt?" Tara's voice trembled slightly.

"Not exactly." Dawn swallowed and stepped back to reveal the small spellcaster's body curled up on the couch, her form shaking under the blanket as in her drunken semi-consciousness she cried silently.

"What do you mean not exactly." Tara walked hurriedly down the remaining stairs.

"Um... she sorta... she..." Dawn looked at the carpenter willing him to explain.

"She's drunk." Xander wasn't ever any good at dressing things up so he didn't even try.

"Drunk?" Tara stopped in her place and turned to stare at him.

"Does she drink?' Willow asked rather innocently.

"Sorta like Buffy, but without the cavewoman mess." Dawn bit her lip.

"I..." Tara began but it was obvious that the witch just didn't know what to say.

"Sorry, we didn't want to worry you." Dawn apologized softly.

"I'm not worried." Tara shook her head as she looked at her cousin on the couch. "That is I don't think I am, I'm surprised." She admitted letting a frown ease across her brow.

"What should we do?" Willow moved closer to Tara.

"I don't know." Tara admitted softly. "The words 'sleep it off' keep coming to mind, but I've never dealt with anything like this, well second time around at any rate." She gave Willow a slight smile.

"You guys can go get food and stuff." Dawn motioned again. "Really Xander and I can do the watch and bucket patrol."

"Has she been sick?" Tara looked around slightly horrified.

"No, no I just meant in case." Dawn frowned knowing now she'd made Tara worry more.

"Oh well that's good." Tara looked back at her cousin. "Isn't it?" She checked with Willow.

"Maybe we should take Midnight out back." Willow linked her arm into Tara's not looking at the couch. "You said she needed the little doggies room."

"Yes." Tara heard herself agreeing.

"Come on Midnight." Willow patted her leg and urged Tara towards the other exit into the kitchen.

"Well that went kind of okay." Xander crossed quickly and whispered to Dawn  
with a hopeful smile. 

"This is all your fault." Dawn scowled at him and moved back over to knell by the couch.

"My fault?" Xander pouted.

"You had beer in the house, obviously she can't handle alcohol any better than I can." Dawn pointed out stopping herself even as she saw the stupidity in her argument. "Sorry Xander, I didn't mean that." She frowned." I just... I don't understand."

"I don't think any of us do." Xander admitted. "I'm not even sure she does." He glanced at Madalene sadly.

"Do you think she was upset we didn't ask her to go shopping?" Dawn questioned looking up at him.

"I don't think that was it Dawn." Xander smiled gently trying to reassure her as the teenager watched the shaking woman for a minute. 

"She keeps mumbling she's cold. I'll get her another blanket." She pushed up slowly to stand.

"Okay." Xander nodded his encouragement. "And you'll see she'll be fine in the morning."

Tara wrapped an arm around her stomach as she watched the large dark dog do a quick lap of the garden snuffling in the bushes and then laying in he middle of the grass watching the wind blow a few leaves around.

"For a doggie who's just found a home, she's very settled." She glanced at Willow.

"I think she was just waiting for us to come and get her." Willow admitted as she turned back on into the wind that caused her hair instantly to be blown forward around her face. "Fate." She sealed her idea with the one word.

"Willow." Tara said her voice dropping very low she turned completely to look at her girlfriend.

"There are things I want to tell you." Willow seemed to anticipate what was going on when she heard the tone in the blonde's voice. Since seeing the diaries, no since the night before when she had settled herself to doing this she'd just been waiting for the right time and now must be it. "Things I am afraid to tell you because they will make you so sad, but I have to tell you because I never want to hurt you like that again and if I keep it a secret I am doing that."

"You saw the diaries." Tara assumed not trace of accusation in her tone.

"I wanted to talk to you last night, before I saw them." Willow gave a slight nod to the question.

"I began reading them today." Tara admitted keeping her soft blue eyes on her girlfriend.

"They're yours, you're allowed too." Willow nodded again smiling softly.

"Something very strange happened when I did." Tara smiled at Willow's smile. It was comforting to know the redhead wasn't mad at her for wanting to read them.

"Strange?" The choice of words made Willow stop her internal thoughts.

"The words… they became…" She paused momentarily. "Real." She finished knowing it wouldn't really tell Willow what had happened.

"I don't understand." The redhead cocked her head to one side stepping closer to Tara.

"We were reading, and then... then I was there, seeing you, seeing us, feeling and hearing that things we did and said." Tara explained in more detail.

"You mean you and Madalene did a spell?" Willow stepped closer bringing her arms up around her body.

"No, no." She shook her head. "We didn't do anything, we just read them."

"But the words came to life?" Willow was doing her best to understand but she didn't.

"My journal, the first one, it starts with looking back to Glory." She continued, "I was wearing jeans and a denim jacket wasn't I? In our room before the argument and you had a coat with fur around the neck."

"Yes, we were going to the cultural fair." Willow's voice was tight as she reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. "You wrote that in your diary?" She was shocked Tara had gone into such detail.

"No, I saw it. I was there." Tara pointed out. "Today."

"Baby we have to talk to Buffy or Giles, that is not normal." Willow felt a panic rising in her chest. "Words don't make you go back in time."

"I know." Tara nodded for the first time looking away from the redhead.

"It has to be a spell... Madalene... something..." Willow felt her hands shake and she tucked them close to her body with her arms.

"Probably." She said quieter feeling a little despondent.

"Did you..." Willow stopped for a moment as what Tara had told her began to slot into place a little. "I didn't know she was hunting you. We were all focused on Dawn, I never dreamed she'd hurt you." She whispered her voice full of icy horror and regret.

"I know, my focus was Dawnie too." Tara eased but she felt the cold air seep inside her and settle low in her stomach.

"I went to the Magic Box, I couldn't believe we'd had a fight." Willow admitted frowning. "Not about magic, not about anything. I sat by the front window, I thought you'd come and we'd make it okay but then..." She shivered but not from the wind. "I ran all the way, I ran so fast I couldn't breath but I was too late." She felt like her knees were going to give out.

"Willow, no love no. Don't do this." Tara reached out a hand towards the redhead.

"I have to do this, I have to tell you." Willow slowly blinked her eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek. As she opened them again she let her hand move out to fill Tara's. "You are my everything, there was no way on earth I was letting some two bit skank of a Hell God hurt you." She felt the salty tear seep into the corner of her mouth. 

"You found me." Tara reminded her girlfriend her heart aching as she watched the tear.

"I would have done anything to get you back." Willow vowed knowing it was true. "I did everything with magic you were afraid of me doing." She whispered not ashamed but hurt that such a fall had been what it had taken to find the power she needed.

"I read how you resurrected Buffy." Tara felt she had tell Willow this fact.

"Pulled her out of heaven." Willow corrected looking down to their hands. "Did you read anything further?" She checked needing to know what the blonde had already been shown. She didn't know if it was anguish or relief she felt when Tara shook her head. "I have a lot to tell you." Willow swallowed hard. "Do you want to go inside?"

"I think we should." Tara nodded.

"Midnight." Willow looked at the dog that obediently got up and trotted up to the back door.

"Better?"

Madalene heard the question and turned to look at the questioner, dark blue eyes smiled back at her.

"Well you look warmer at any rate. I know the room's not too great but it's clean and you know it's warm." The redhead nodded towards the main room as she pulled her leather coat off.

"I got you chocolate cake." Madalene smiled softly as she moved over and sat on the bed.

"Oooo chocolate." Texas grinned. "Worth using my charms on the guy to give us the nicest room."

"We're really free aren't we?" Madalene looked around almost in amazement for a moment.

"Really." Texas nodded moving to stand near the window peering through the slats of the blinds into the dark night beyond.

"I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and this is all a dream." Madalene felt her eyes stop on the tall redhead.

"Yeah me to oddly enough." Texas said very quietly, almost to herself.

"I'm scared Sarah." She whispered slipping off her shoes and pulling her legs up on the bed.

Texas turned frowning softly as she crossed the room and came to stop nearer the bed. She dropped down on her haunches looking up at the brunette. 

"Of what?" She asked softly "I mean if you like, I'll stay outside the door and keep an eye out." She glanced to the door and back at Madalene. "You can snuggle up and get some sleep, safe as anything."

"No, not that." Madalene shook her head. "That you'll regret this."

"Regret leaving this dirt hole?" Texas checked she was hearing her right.

"Yeah... with the village freak." Madalene frowned softly.

"Cut that crap." Sarah's voice grew firm. "You're not a freak." 

"I was, but we're not in the village anymore." Madalene shook her head letting the idea settle inside her. "Do you remember in the summer when we hid in the corn to watch the fireworks?"

"Yup." Texas nodded and eased off her knees to sit on her thigh. "We can still watch fireworks, though future ones are gonna be bigger and brighter and not so much with the hiding."

"Yes... but I meant..." Madalene slipped her legs around and came down on her stomach so that she was eye level with the redhead. "The part when you kissed me." She whispered like she would have if they were at home without thinking, still hiding secrets away even now that they were safe. She watched as Texas nervously licked her lip salve off her lips.

"Yeah well it was a heat of the night thing, you know." She felt herself blush unable to tear her eyes from Madalene's as she tried to force her voice to sound natural and calm.

"You can stop waiting." Madalene watched the slight pink of the redhead's tongue slip over shiny lips nervously.

"Waiting?" Texas breathed her tongue darting out again over already wet lips as she sat a little more upright on the floor.

"No ones here but you and me." The brunette pointed out trying to find some volume in her voice. She didn't want to whisper anymore she didn't want to be afraid.

"But is it what we both want?" Texas asked gently.

"If you'd rather the chocolate cake." Madalene felt a sparkle come into her voice.

"I'd rather we kissed." Texas admitted with a grin.

"I've only been hinting at it for a half an hour here Sarah." Madalene laughed feeling every weight of the world leaving her as she heard the other girl chuckle. "Usually if we're alone for two minutes you're already here." She leaned down and in a quick move messed their lips together.

Texas pressed back into the kiss for a moment before pulling back, but then slowly she did just that.

"But I wanted it to be the right thing to do." She explained as she traced a finger around Madalene's temple.

"We're free and I love you." Madalene's voice was honest causing Texas to beam brightly.

"I love you too." She replied sincerely.

"No, I love you." Madalene scurried off the bed and basically dropped herself into Texas' lap. "I LOVE YOU!" She called out loudly laughing as she hugged the redhead.

"Did she just say she loved you?" Dawn stared at Xander who was tucking the fallen blanket up under the Spellcaster's chin.

"I think she's dreaming." Xander looked around slightly awkwardly. "Maybe we should move her down to the bed in the basement."

Willow paced back and forth by the end of the bed for a moment as Tara settled her back against the headboard. The house already held a nervous tension but the redhead could feel it rising by the moment.

"I know you read, well saw some of this." Willow finally began as blue eyes watched her move to the bed and sit down on it cross-legged. "But I need to tell you okay?" She checked first, she had to have lead in time. 

"Okay." Tara pulled a pillow and closed her arms around her chest.

"When we first found out about Glorificus and Dawn being the key, it was all battle stations like we were on a sinking ship and the front end was on fire and the back end was already underwater." Willow tried to put things in order. "Buffy was all with the super slaying, we'd fought this big demon creation named Adam and connected her to the first slayer and she was all wiggy with the 'death is my gift' prophecy." She took a much-needed breath.

Tara nodded that she was listening.

"And we... we were the witches. We had the mojo for her, all the wicked bad mojo as Faith would say and when push came to shove the first time we ever did anything to Glory it was you and I doing a translocation spell." She closed her eyes briefly. "And then when Glory hurt you, for the first time in my life... I didn't believe Buffy could save us." She whispered the words looking down. "And I didn't care about the rest of the world, all I cared about was you... you hurting... you hurting because of her..." She looked up into blue eyes. "So I lied to her, told her I was going to think but I went to the Magic Box. I went to the dark arts section and then I went to take on Glory."

"What?" Tara whispered as slowly the pieces of the puzzle that she had seen in Willow's dream slipped into place.

"I went to her penthouse, all black eyed girl and floating like a kite to kill her or die trying." Willow thought back to the rage that had been inside her. "I almost had her but my powers weren't that strong yet. I didn't know enough about how to harness them, so she wore me down and Buffy managed to come in and drag me away in time." She held blue eyes. "But I hurt her, I made a Goddess scream." She frowned again. "After that I didn't leave your side, I didn't eat and I didn't sleep. Everything was about taking care of you and finding a way to undo what Glorificus had done."

"You went after a God?" Tara whispered a part of her impressed that Willow would be so honest with her. "With dark magic?"

"I went after the demon that hurt you, with whatever power I could find." Willow nodded softly.

"She could have killed you." Tara's voice was small.

"I didn't even think of that, all I could think about was you in pain. You being hurt by her and me sitting at the Magic Box doing nothing." Willow tried to make her understand. "You are my everything."

"And you are mine." The blonde nodded.

"When everything happened... Buffy dying... the end of the world... the only thing I was worried about was you." Willow continued reluctantly. "And when the dust settled... I had you back but..." She swallowed again feeling her lungs seize in her chest.

"But?" Tara encouraged.

"Buffy was dead." Willow spoke slowly as she tried to focus the words to show what they really meant. "The Slayer was dead and everyone looked to me to take her place." She whispered embarrassed by the self-centred admittance.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me, of any of us." Tara apologised instantly.

"No baby... I didn't object." Willow felt the reality slide over her as she spoke, almost as if she was appraising a third person. "I always had this thing about being Buffy's sidekick, about not being good enough or smart enough or tough enough. Then suddenly I was 'it' since Buffy wasn't there anymore but it wasn't fun and games anymore, it was life and death and just being me didn't cut it."

"We had the bot." Tara put in softly gently underlining the fact she had read this portion.

"Warren made the bot for Spike." The redhead tried not to seethe the man's name. "But with a little rewiring we did have her, but she wasn't a substitute for Buffy."

"I understand why you brought her back." Tara whispered the important truth.

"I think that's when I started to get lost in it." Willow felt her voice drop low to match Tara's. "When I started to think that I was somehow all powerful, that I was somehow more than the magic."

"There was more magic to come?" Tara looked at Willow slightly oddly. "I mean before the things I know about already."

"It all became about the magic." Her green eyes almost broke with the sadness. "I got dressed with it, I made party decorations with it, I created food with it, I..." Her voice staggered. "I hurt people with it... I hurt you." She squeezed her eyes shut as she said the words.

"Hurt me?" Tara breathed the words out feeling crushed almost by them.

"I didn't understand why, but everything was falling apart." Willow made herself keep talking. "Buffy was just anger incarnate, either that or cold and isolated. She was back and everything still fell to me and the magic but I was scaring you with it, how much I used, when I used it." She clasped her hands together. "We had another fight about it, about how I was abusing it... and I was so tired I didn't want to fight anymore so I..." She couldn't push the words out as her voice dried up.

Tara's frown was now deeply furrowing her brow. She'd not been expecting this, not really even though there had been the feeling that there was something that she was missing.

"You what Willow?" She finally managed to ask the question she knew would make the redhead keep talking.

"Baby, I didn't mean to hurt you... I didn't ever, ever mean to... but I used a spell to make you forget we were fighting." Willow hid her face behind her hands as she pulled them up wanting to claw the memory out of her head.

For a long agonizing moment Tara fell silent. The reality of what Willow was admitting to her blazed through her disjointed memories clicking another series of events together.

"You cast a spell on me?" She whispered for clarity.

Willow just nodded as she drew in a breath to feed the tears she felt streaming down her cheeks.

"Twice." The redhead squeaked her body slumping more as her energy drained out.

"I..." Tara wanted to say something some thing to ease the desperate pain that the truth obviously caused the redhead but she didn't know what to say.

"And when I couldn't stop using the magic you left me." Willow couldn't stop her short move sideways as she landed on the bed feeling like the world was pushing down on her. Her insides screamed at her to stop this, to stop talking to just curl up inside again but she couldn't.

"I left you?" Before Willow added this small sentence Tara had thought she had heard everything but the last truth knocked the last of her strength out of her.

"You had too... I was out of control... I was dangerous... I was addicted to the magic." Willow sobbed against the bed.

"But..." Tara hugged the pillow tighter rocking slightly her heart breaking at the sight of Willow crying. "But I was here... Warren, the shooting…" She didn't understand this at all as nothing was making sense now.

"I got clean baby..." Willow found a shred of strength and pushed up on her hands a little. "I got clean for you... months... I went months without you and without magic... just so that I could try to get you back, to try and make it better." She couldn't find the strength to stop her tears. "And I proved to you I could stop it, proved to you when push came to shove I could 'not' do magic. You believed in me again and you came back to me."

"I..." Tara tried to fight the conflicting thoughts going through her mind.

"It's in one of these... it has to be..." Willow pushed up possessed somehow as she edged to the side table where the other books were and knocking the top one aside she closed her fingers around the expensive looking brown suede cover that was tied together and accented with small red beads. "You wrote in it while I was looking for information on the nerds... you wrote it down." She thrust the book at Tara desperately.

"After I was back?" Tara looked at the slightly shaking hand and the book.

"After you were back... we stayed in bed for almost two days... making love." Willow whispered the words like a prayer she was afraid to say in another other tone but reverence. "Making love in this room, no more magic... no more pain... just you and me and love."

"I need to think..." Tara still didn't take the book. "Could you get me a glass of water?" She asked hearing her voice shake. 

"Water?" Willow put the book down between them and backed away afraid to hear another word. Tara didn't look up but nodded that the redhead had heard her request correctly.

Her feet feeling like they were encased in cement Willow moved to the door and tried to focus on getting to the kitchen.

Dawn looked up briefly to watch Xander pacing back and forth the length of the vaguely walled in bedroom within the basement. She'd been all for the idea of bringing the Spellcaster down until she'd seen the brunette curl up into the corner almost afraid to be touched by whatever mysterious demons were haunting her in her unconscious state.

"Maybe we should take her to the hospital. Sherri Cooper got alcohol poisoning when she snuck into a kegger with her cousin and they had to pump her stomach." She informed him impatiently.

"She's not been sick and she's not like out of it out of it, its almost like she's dreaming or something." Xander shook his head.

"Then we should call Giles, maybe something bit her or jabbed her like that freaky demon that made Buffy think she was in a mental institution." Dawn pleaded for him to do something, anything.

"Maybe Giles isn't such a bad idea." Xander looked at Dawn briefly but then looked back at Madalene. "But would Mads want the G-man to see her all tanked up like this." He furrowed his brow thinking. "And Buffy didn't say it was anything magical, she found her in the Bronze. There isn't anything magical about the Bronze." He underlined.

"Witch's tanked up on anything, how good does that sound?" Dawn pushed up to stand. "If you won't call him I will, he's seen drunk people before."

"So what's the drama?" Buffy's voice cut in disturbing them. The Slayer stood on the top step of the basement looking down. 

"I'm calling Giles." Dawn looked up at her sister. "Something's wrong."

"With who?" Buffy frowned not really understanding.

"Um hello Buffy." Dawn pointed through the partially roughed in wall to the Spellcaster on the bed.

"She's drunk Dawn." Buffy breathed again. "Which reminds me, we need to have a talk about do's and don'ts with the dog."

"She's not drunk, tell her Xander. This is not how drunk people act." Dawn ignored her dog comment.

"The Dawnster might be kinda right Buffy." Xander glanced towards them both. "She's all mumbling and with the rocking."

"So she's a bad drunk." Buffy shrugged.

"You're so heartless, I'm calling Giles." Dawn began stamping her way up the stairs.

"Whoa right there." Buffy stood in her sister's path.

"What?" Dawn stared at the Slayer indignantly.

"Okay, now I'm listening, just what makes you so convinced she needs Giles." Buffy crossed her arms over her stomach.

"This is Sunnydale and whenever things don't add up right you can bet that it has something to do with something bad." Dawn put out the basic reason for her worry. "That and Madalene never eats or drinks anything out of place. Why would she go get drunk?"

"Maybe she likes to drink occasionally." Buffy suggested lamely remembering how odd it had seemed to find the Spellcaster drunk in the Bronze. 

"Uh Buf..." Xander made a not likely motion with his head.

"Well maybe she had a bad day." The Slayer tried again.

"She's mumbling in weird languages and stuff... well at least its sounds like some other language." He added more to their argument. "I mean this is Sunnydale."

"Look all I am saying is do we have the right to query why Madalene went on a drinking binge?" Buffy looked between the other to people in the room. "I mean when you used to like to drink a lot, after you and Anya split, you didn't like us interfering." 

"Okay fair, but Buffy then you knew why I was drowning in beer." Xander conceded wincing at the example.

"And when Mads sobers up we can ask her." Buffy reasoned. "Come on guys isn't she allowed to have an off day?"

"Of course she is, just something doesn't feel right about this." Xander looked over to the bed and frowned.

"Have you tried waking her up?" Buffy asked the obvious question.

"A few times." Dawn answered her quietly. "She won't wake up."

"What do Willow and Tara think?" Buffy felt her conviction wavering.

"They're upstairs 'talking'." Xander put heavy emphasis on the word hoping that the Slayer understood.

"I'm not asking them to stop talking I'm asking for their opinion, they can go right back to what they were talking about." Buffy didn't catch on as her focus went more onto Madalene and any possible Hellmouth influence that could be causing what was going on with her.

"Fine, lets go ask them." Dawn grabbed her sister's hand before Xander could object.

"Hey guys not wanting to interrupt a big pow-wow or anything but I'm looking for input." Buffy wrapped on the door as she called through knowing they were inside.

Willow stayed silent, only looking up to Tara and then to the door as Buffy's voice filtered through again. Tara looked over to the door, as it swung open.

"I'm taking the lack of Buffy come in was just a lack of vocalisation." The Slayer smiled as she walked in.

Dawn hung in the doorway having been about to say something when she came eye to eye with Tara and saw instantly the pain and anguish that was settled in her face. 

"I wanted to pick your brains." Buffy began but stopped as the redhead looked up at the Slayer, her eyes completely bloodshot and puffy from crying. "But now I'm thinking it can wait." She suddenly seemed to key in.

"Yeah, we'll just call Giles." Dawn's voice squeaked as she pulled at Buffy's arm.

"Yep, you two can just carry on with the chatting and the well the whatever." Buffy backtracked with Dawn pulling the door closed. "Okay so what's with all the witches in the house?"

"See I told you." Dawn stared at her sister. "Something's not right in Sunnydale."

"You knew those two were like that and you let me do that?" Buffy scowled at her sister.

"No, I didn't know they were like that." Dawn was horrified by the accusation. "I knew they were up here, but I didn't see anything like that." She pointed to the door. "Tara looked so sad, like when..." She stopped her own words not wanting to hear them.

"Like when she left?" Buffy asked in a hushed whisper, having not been there that fateful night. Dawn nodded frowning. "Oh." Buffy glanced down. "Come on lets ring Giles." She urged her sister down the stairs

Willow watched the door slide closed again and she checked with herself that no one other than Buffy and Dawn had actually managed to say anything.

"Do you want more water?" She managed to whisper the practiced words after a few thousand trials of repetition in her head. Tara shook her head.

"What do you think that was about?" The blonde asked distracted.

"No idea." Willow shrugged lightly. "Tara... I..." She started to talk before she could stop herself but then biting down on her babbling tongue did just that.

"You don't have to say anything Willow." Tara looked down at her hands. "Thank you for telling me." She said quietly.

"We went for coffee and I thought my heart was going to burst when you said yes you'd meet me and we didn't want to leave the shop for hours. I had three mochas without going to the bathroom just since I was afraid if I did you'd be gone." Willow knew she had to say something had to do something as she felt her life slipping away again. "But then you did have to go but it was a start, a start I thought and I almost skipped home. Then suddenly you were here, you were just in the doorway talking about how we had so much to figure out but you loved me and you just wished I could be kissing you."

Tara felt a soft smile pull at her lips as the fragment from Willow's dreamscape finally had a place to fit into making a beacon within the dark.

"And did you?" She asked gently.

"Yes." Willow for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime felt her mouth ease out of a frown. "For the first time in my life babble mode didn't kick in."

"I'm sorry Willow." Tara eventually looked up.

"Sorry?" Willow felt her mouth tugging down into a frown again as she tried to not settle on a reason for the apology.

"I... this..." Tara began trying to form a sentence.

"Sorry as in Madalene and I are going to pack up our stuff and leave you now?" Willow whispered not able to look away from the blonde as she felt her heart stop beating.

"What?" Tara looked up sharply with a horrified look on her face.

Pushing some strength into her legs Willow made herself stand up and with almost pained steps made herself move over to the bed. In a graceful move she landed on her knees at the side near Tara. 

"Baby please, please don't leave me again." She whispered burying her face into her hands on the blanket. 

"Sweetie no, I wasn't thinking that." Tara shook her head. She immediately lifted her hand and ran it over Willow's hair. "I just..." She fell silent.

"You just?" Willow looked up just a little trying not to make Tara's hand move from her head.

"I just didn't know." Tara tried to explain her shock, horror and surprise.

"I know and that's why as soon as I was unscrambled up here I wanted to tell you." Willow whispered through her tears. "I don't want to ever hide anything from you again."

"Thank you." Tara ran her hand over and over soft red strands.

"I love you." Willow held the blue eyes that looked down at her again offering forgiveness.

"I love you too Willow." Tara vowed. "But…" She added softly as she glanced at the books on the side.

"But?" Willow tried to not show the sinking inside her as it started again.

"It wasn't really a but." Tara shook her head as she re thought things slightly. She leaned forward and picked up a pink diary. "I've not read this, but I know from what I wrote in the first page that this is how we began, you know our first months together. I think I wrote it…" She paused for a moment thinking harder. "I think I must have written it when we were apart. I date the front you see and its later than those ones, but before this one." She pointed to the latest journal. "Reminding myself of how good the good was possibly." 

Willow nodded that the explanation made sense. Tara stopped stroking and gently reached to tilt Willow's head up to look at her.

"You up to a little reading?" She asked with a loving smile.

"I can read all night." Willow leaned her chin into Tara's hand slightly and smiled back softly.

"I love you." Tara spelled out looking into green eyes.

"I love you too." Willow moved up feeling Tara's hand stay in place as she came to sit on the bed.

With her free hand Tara flipped open the pink book and read from the front page. 

"Tara Maclay and Willow Rosenberg, a love story." 

"Out, he's out, where the hell can he be?" Buffy stared hard at the phone. "Giles doesn't have a life." She looked up and stared at her sister. "So now when we need him suddenly 'Rupert isn't home right now'." She mimicked the answering machine message.

"How do I know?" Dawn stared back at her. "Buffy, what are we going to do?"

"Just when I think everything is going okay, I have to get the front of my house stuck back on, I got a drunk witch in my basement and a recently resurrected witch packing her bags upstairs." Buffy looked at her sister with a shrug.

"You don't really think she'll leave do you?" Dawn chewed on her lower lip. "I mean not after everything and knowing Willow can't do magic anymore not after the wish."

"Dawn, what Willow did to her before is the same now as it was then." Buffy tapped the side of her head. "Messed with her mind." She shook her head. "If I was Tara I would leave." She admitted as she dropped into an armchair.

"Running away isn't the answer to everything." Dawn sat down slowly on the couch. "And Tara forgave her before and came back."

"Yeah but why?" Buffy quizzed the teenager. "I mean am I the only one to think they went from not speaking to having se..." Buffy stopped as she heard Dawn's answer and as she remembered who she was talking too. 

"Because they love each other." Dawn underlined bravely. "And I know about the sex Buffy, what do you think I'm five?" She rolled her eyes. "Hello found Willow swaggering in the hallway and Tara in a sheet, I did live here with them remember." 

"Yes I still have to talk to them about not repeating that incident but you're right about the loving thing, but that was something that Tara had to work through. She might need to work through and discover that fact again." Buffy frowned distracted for a moment. "So to go back to your question, yeah I think Tara might leave for a while." The Slayer stopped her thought and glanced at her sister.

"She can't leave." Dawn shook her head.

"Dawn she can and must do what she needs too, I mean not that I like to think of the Willow ramifications but…" Buffy objected to the teenager's refusal.

"It's not just the Willow ramifications." Dawn shook her head looking at her sister. "She can't leave because we all need her here."

"We can't afford to be selfish Dawn." Buffy pointed out. "If Tara needs to leave then..." She was about to continue when Midnight padded into the lounge and whined.

"Look now you upset her." Dawn slipped off the couch and knelt by the dog. "It's okay Midnight, no ones leaving."

"I give up, Dawn go to bed, take the dog with you if you like. I'll go watch Mads, and I'll phone Giles every half an hour till I get hold of him. I'll send Xander to sleep up in my room." Buffy sighed hard and pushed up to stand.

"She'd stay if you asked her." Dawn tucked her hand into the dog's collar and led her to the stairs. She didn't bother waiting for Buffy's response.

Buffy leaned back in her chair and put her feet up on the edge of the bed that Madalene slept in. She flicked through the pages of the magazine on her lap and glanced across at the Spellcaster that was curled on the bed directly to her left before turning back to flick through a few more pages of the magazine.

"You're so beautiful." The Spellcaster's voice broke the silence ever so slightly as her body turned over within the blankets they'd piled on top of her to keep her from shivering.

Buffy closed the magazine on her lap and lifted her legs off the bed, not wanting to be in the Spellcaster's way. 

"I guess I'm lucky you could sleep through a earthquake." A soft chuckle accompanied another move as Madalene's slim body moved closer to the edge of the bed where Buffy was.

Buffy's eyebrow arched slightly as she looked at the Spellcaster, she shifted slightly in the chair causing it to scrape noisily on the basement floor.

"You don't know how many nights I've closed my eyes and pretended you were beside me." Madalene hand came out of the bedclothes inching towards her.

"Yeah okay Mads." Buffy reached out and patted the sleeping woman's hand easing it back towards the bedclothes.

"Mmmm now I don't have to pretend." The Spellcaster's fingers slipping in between Buffy's and pulled the Slayer's startled hand in to her body.

"Um Madalene." Buffy slipped slightly in her chair not expecting the move.

"I feel so safe with you here, it doesn't matter what any of them ever did as long as I could turn and look into your eyes." Madalene didn't relinquish the Slayer's hand. Instead she wound both her arms around it pulling it tight to her body.

"You are safe Madalene." Buffy said easing out of the chair and moving closer to the bed so that she wasn't stretched in such an odd way. "Both then and now, whenever then was."

"I promise you when we get settled everything is going to be just how we dreamed. I'm going to do that spell, the one I told you about from Mama's book." Madalene moved closer to Buffy now that she'd moved, capturing more and more of the Slayer's arm and clutching it to her body. "And nothing will ever keep us apart again."

Buffy sighed gently and moved to perch on the edge of the bed.

"You were so beautiful tonight... like a spirit breaking free of all the physical constraints." The Spellcaster shifted with Buffy's every movement further gapping the distance between them. "All wild but with such honour, like we'd just been in front of the Preacher and you'd just promised your soul to me."

"What's going on it that brain of yours Mads?" Buffy shook her head softly as she moved more onto the bed trying to get comfortable. She brought her legs up so that she was actually semi laying on the bed.

"I know you'll be cross at me for not sleeping, but I can't." Madalene didn't move for a moment but once Buffy settled on her side she managed in her semi-conscious state to turn over without losing her grip on Buffy's arm and press her body back fully into the Slayer's. "How can I sleep after making love to you?" She questioned in a whisper, the movements of her eyes darting slowly behind closed lids.

Buffy coughed lightly feeling her cheeks flush. She couldn't help that she was hearing something that she shouldn't be hearing, that she was witnessing something that wasn't hers to see.

"I want to say it was everything I dreamed of... but it wasn't... I could never dream something that wonderful." Madalene had seemed to settle probably to Buffy's relief when the monologue started again.

"I think we're gonna have to watch you a little more carefully you know Mads." Buffy moved gently to run her other hand over Madalene's hair. "Cause you need some looking after."

"Such strong warm hands." Madalene seemed to soothe more as the Slayer stroked her head. Relaxing a little she drew Buffy's hand up closer resting the knuckles against her lips.

Buffy's instant reaction was to try and pull her hand free but she fought it. There was no reason to disturb the brunette especially in the state she was in.

"Yeah well I can honestly say Mads, these hands are gonna keep you safe." She said softly moving her free hand again over Madalene's hair.

"And now everything going to be all right because you never lie to me." Madalene whispered kissing each of the slayer's knuckles.

"Never." Buffy confirmed aware that Madalene probably couldn't even hear her but still she had to say it.

"Never leave me." Madalene shivered a bit and pressed closer to Buffy's warm body. "I can't live without you." 

"You're living just fine." Buffy smiled at the idea. "But what you need to do right now is skip this little dream phase of drunkenness and slip into the blissful oblivion stage."

"Maybe sleep for a bit... just till the alarm... we've got lots to do tomorrow." Madalene turned back into Buffy burying her face into the Slayer's shoulder as she finally released the Slayer's hand and instead winded her own around the blonde's midsection.

"Mmmm Mads." Buffy began to feel slightly uncomfortable but then she laughed gently at her own stupidity. None of Madalene's movements and words were driven by her conscious sober self, they were a product of alcohol and imagination and she didn't mean to freak the Slayer out Buffy reasoned as she let herself get more comfortable.

"Okay you deep sleep time now." Buffy encouraged softly.

"I love you." Madalene whispered kissing the material near her face.

"We love you too." Buffy replied kissing Madalene's hair lightly.

-x-

"You trusted me that much, that soon." Tara glanced over to from the words written on the page to look at Willow. The pair had read through many pages, reading in Tara's words how they had met and had taken tentative steps towards one another. Though it was apparent by the way Tara had written the words, her love for the redhead had been instantaneous.

They had reached a place in the reading where the two were about to try a spell to travel to the nether realms, a spell that was both complicated and risky it appeared to the blonde.

"Oh course I trusted you." Willow reiterated the words written in the journal. "You could have been my anchor into a whole world of frogs and I would have trusted you baby."

"But you hate frogs." Tara smiled gently and reached to push a strand of red hair behind a small ear.

"Exactly." Willow nodded.

"So we did the spell?" Tara asked of her girlfriend not looking at the book.

"We did." Willow nodded looking to the book. "It was..." She stopped and licked her lips unconsciously. "You should read what you wrote."

"So it's my turn to read out loud now?" Tara smiled seeing the redhead's reaction and feeling a warm feeling fill her body.

"Yes, time for the pretty Tara voice." Willow snuggled into Tara's side the move an easy one as they had both been on their stomach's looking at the small diary.

Tara cleared her throat and glanced at the red head looking for encouragement.

"You're going to love this one, I promise." Willow smiled and rested her head on Tara's shoulder waiting for her to start.

"With shaking fingers I applied the markings on her forehead, her lips and chest, my finger tips shaking more as they touched her warm skin." Tara read her blue eyes flicked sideways to look at Willow feeling her cheeks heat up a little. "And as we took our places and began the spell, I could feel it, our hearts beating in time, the world around us stilling, our voices united, our souls in time, and as our hands and eyes met I felt my heart would burst." Tara stopped reading and looked at Willow, green eyes were instantly there to meet blue ones.

"Do you think perhaps..." Tara began but she stopped looking down at the mattress shaking her head.

"Do I think?" Willow questioned immediately when the blonde's words faded away.

"No it's nothing, I was just being silly." Tara shook her head turning her attention back to the book.

"No Tara, nothing is silly." Willow objected lightly putting her fingers up to block the margin of the words. "Do I think what?" She tried again softly.

"That we could do that again?" Tara followed Willow's fingers and traced them back to the redhead's face with her blue eyes. "I don't mean as a spell." She added quickly. "But perhaps using massage oil and maybe a meditational chant."

"See that was a fantastic idea." Willow's smile broke wider though as her green eyes darkened a bit with anticipation her look held more love by the moment.

"It was?" Tara gave Willow a crooked smile.

"If you want to I mean... I think it would be nice... really nice." Willow tried to keep her babbling to a minimum as it threatened to spill out of her.

"I think it was my idea, so I think that means I want to." Tara's smile turned brighter. "Why don't you get the oil?" She added.

"There should be some in the bathroom." Willow nodded and without thinking kissed the blonde's shoulder through her shirt before she pulled off.

When Willow got back from the bathroom, Tara had got out of the bed and had marked out a love heart on the floor using the ties from both their fluffy bathrobes. She had lit several candles around the room and had turned off the main light.

"Pretty." Willow smiled and the candles and the heart as she shook the small bottle of oil.

"I didn't know what to use." Tara pointed to the heart. "But I think they worked. What oil did you find?" She asked of the redhead.

"Jasmine massage." Willow walked closer holding the small bottle almost like she was afraid it was going to bite her.

"Mmmm I love that one." The blonde admitted without thinking.

"There was orange too... but I thought way to wakey-uppy." She gripped it a bit tighter as Tara spelled out her preference.

"Definitely and we want cosy downy." The blonde soothed as she held out her hand for the bottle. Willow let her have it immediately and moved closer to the symbol.

"Should I sit?" She questioned pointing to one side.

"No, I think I do this part stood up." Tara smiled softly and took the top off the oil bottle tipping a little onto her fingertips she stood closer to Willow.

Rubbing her fingertips lightly together with her thumb, Tara reached out a slightly trembling hand and pressed her oiled thumb lightly on Willow's forehead. The touch made Willow's eyes drift close as she took a deep breath in.

"I…" She whispered as skin made contact with skin. "Love…" She breathed as she moved her thumb down and pressed it onto Willow's lips. "You." She concluded, parting Willow's shirt slightly with her hand before pressing her thumb on the redhead's heart.

Willow slowly opened her eyes having to keep herself from staying the words back. With a slightly shaky hand she held her thumb up for Tara to put oil on it.

Smiling with tears in her eyes Tara's heart swelled as Willow read her unspoken question and answered it. The blonde gently tipped the oil bottle onto Willow's thumb.

"I..." Willow did the same as Tara had, reaching up to lightly press her thumb against the blonde's forehead. "Love..." She felt her voice drop what would have been five octaves into her chest as her thumb lightly skimmed full lips. "You." She used her pinkie to pull the blonde's T-shirt down enough room the low v it plunged to in order to lastly press her thumb just above the swell of her left breast.

Tara's breath was shallow and quick as Willow anointed her, she felt sure the redhead must have been able to feel the rapid beating of her heart through the pad of her thumb as it briefly touched her chest.

"Now do we sit?" Willow questioned almost as if she couldn't remember the spell in its intricacies. 'Not that she was doing the spell now.' She reminded herself. 'Oh Goddess no this feels so different.'

Tara nodded dumbly as she flicked blue eyes to look at the heart on the floor.

Feeling like time was slowing around them Willow reached out and took Tara's hand, leading her so that they could sit face to face off centre in the heart shape. When they were settled Tara slowly raised her blue eyes to look at Willow.

"Now we have the chanting. I was wondering, possibly something like, 'I love Willow, she loves me, forever in love we two shall be'." Tara offered. "Obviously you would insert my name." She blushed slightly. "Or we could use something else, something less rhymey." Her eyebrows crooked slightly.

"I like rhymey, rhymey is muchly underrated and ridiculed unnecessarily." Willow admitted.

"I like rhymey too." Tara smiled almost shyly.

"Then we have our chant." Willow pushed her legs into a meditational pose and smiled at her girlfriend.

Tara followed suit and put her hands down by her side placing her fingertip above the cord marking out the heart.

"Okay." She took a breath just glancing at Willow briefly. "Ready?" She asked wondering why her heart was suddenly beating so fast.

"Yes." Willow nodded putting her arm out as well. She too could feel her heart beating hard inside her body. "I love Tara, she loves me..." She started as she saw Tara's lips open to form the words and they began in perfect synchronicity.

"Forever in love we two shall be." Tara swung her arm gently forward following the curve of the heart and then pulled it back as Willow's soft voice harmonising with hers seemed to fill her head, her heart and her soul.

"I love Tara, she loves me..." Willow felt her arm start the soft journey to complete a second pass. A warm began to travel through her making her skin flush as she held blue eyes. "Forever in love we two shall be."

Tara turned her head slightly to look fully into Willow's face as she began the chant a third time.

"I love Willow, she loves me…" Her breathing notched up faster and a little shallower as her blue eyes focused more intensely on bright flashes deep inside green ones that she stared into. "Forever in love we two shall be." She felt the skin on her hands heat up slightly as she traced back and forth along the heart outline.

"I love Tara..." Willow felt her words coming on both her exhale and inhale now as her chest rose and fell with more effort. "She loves me..." She felt her hands sliding around the outside of the heart again and a friction built up against her fingertips as if a barrier formed to protect them from the outside world. "Forever in love..." She watched little speckles of gold dancing in Tara's eyes as her pupils dilated up fully. "We two shall be."

"I love Willow…" Tara was aware that her breathing was as loud as her chanting. "She loves me…" She felt surrounded by warmth, love and comfort. "Forever in love…" She slowly raised her other hand in the centre of the heart, its fingers parted and its palm towards Willow. "We two shall be."

"We two shall be." Willow's hand reached the same place as Tara's did as the repetition ended. She could literally feel the magnetism that was drawing their hands together. "I love Tara..." Willow felt her breaths catching in her throat as her body heaved a little, her back arching in her sitting position.

"She loves me." Tara slid her fingers down against Willow her back arching in a similar fashion.

"Forever in love..." Willow gasped as their palms touched.

"We two shall… ohhh." Tara moaned softly, the heat literally pouring from hers and Willow's bodies. "Willow." The blonde gasped her blue eyes flaring.

"Tara..." Willow blinked slowly trying to clear the sheen of haze that was closing out everything in her vision but the blonde. "Mmmm... I..." She felt her hips rock up a little as they pushed their hands closer together.

"Mmmm." Tara felt her own body match the gentle movement that she could see in Willow's. She lifted her other hand off from the edge of the heart and placed it over the spot that Willow had anointed.

"I can feel you..." The redhead seemed to try to explain but her body jolted again as another arch ran through her. "Everywhere." She finally panted the word out as she traced her hand back and let it touch where Tara had anointed her.

"With me, around me," Tara agreed panting a little louder as her body moved a little harder. "Inside me." She breathed out.

"I love you." Willow moaned as Tara's words solidified what she was feeling and she felt her body riding against the hidden friction.

"WILLOW!" Tara gasped loudly pulling their hands apart she fell back to the floor, her back arched high off the mat.

Willow felt her own body arch in her seated position as Tara's body dropped slowly down to rest on her back before the blonde instantly tipped up to her shoulder blades, a deep passionate gasping moan escaping out of her mouth.

*I love you, oh Goddess I love you.* Willow's inner voice screamed when she couldn't find the breath to say the words, she could feel Tara's passionate release flowing into the small safe area around them and it was like being bathed in the purest hot spring.

Tara's gasping and moaning settled slowly leaving the blonde gently rocking her body up and down as she felt her senses sharpen again.

"Willow?" She questioned from her place her voice breathy and quiet.

"Yes Tara?" Willow breathed out instantly, her voice low and thick.

"Are you... did I... did we…" Tara asked still panting softly.

"Making love." Willow gave a soft nod as her body relaxed a little out of the hard tense arch it was in. A slightly amused smirk spread across the blonde's face.

"Last time we did this, this happened didn't it?" She asked letting her blue eyes gaze up at the ceiling enjoying the flashes that still danced behind them.

"Yes." Willow nodded afraid to move any other part of her body then her head.

"You could have warned me." Tara's voice was laced with humour.

"Why?" Willow felt herself smirk as she finally moved and pushing herself forward moved down next to the blonde careful not to touch the outer edges of the barrier. "You didn't warn me the first time."

"Touché." Tara turned to snuggle into the redhead her voice filled with love.

Madalene breathed in deeply as a slight jolt brought the usual rhythm of the bus to a momentary stop. A quick glance up over the back of the seat in front of her showed that a middle aged man was getting on board and within a few moments she felt the wheels underneath them roll again as they merged back onto the highway.

Careful not to disturb Sarah, who was leaned over asleep curled into her side, she pulled the jean jacket the redhead had thrown over them back up to offer a bit more warmth to her girlfriend. She couldn't keep the smile from her face as she breathed in again, her senses filling with the essence of her Texas, her Sarah.

With a satisfied heart she remembered the night before when for the first time ever they had been able to freely consummate the love they had felt for each other for so very long. It had been a magical night, far beyond anything she had ever experienced and despite herself she was anxious to have that feeling again. Nothing would ever be as beautiful as the sight of her lover lying tangled in the blankets exhausted beside her.

'My lover.' Madalene smiled as Texas shifted and a warm hand brushed up her side to sit on her bare skin. The words brought such joy to her mind that she could barely keep from waking the redhead just to tell her again how much she loved her.

Only knowing that Sarah had barely managed an hour's sleep kept her from doing just that. She hadn't been sure when she had dozed off but when she'd awoke the redhead had been there so that when she opened her eyes the first thing she was greeted with was the most loving look she'd ever seen. It had only taken a small amount of coaxing to find out that her stoic Texas had been too afraid the magic would be broken and had stayed awake to keep watch over her.

That was the only shadow on all of this right now, but even that shadow dimmed as they drove into the sunlit horizon. Each revolution took them a little bit further from the place and people that had worked so hard to ridicule and control them. Each mile brought them a little closer to the future she knew would be challenging but that would always be worth it as they would be together.

"Together to face anything." Madalene leaned down a little bit placing a soft kiss into tangled red hair before she relaxed against the puffy worn seat again and closed her eyes. "Just a few more hours and we'll be free." She yawned.

"Sarah, the alarm." Madalene sharply opened her eyes as the loud noise pulled her out of her deep sleep but as she turned and faced the bus window the reality that the noise was actually the air horn of a semi-truck barely had time to clear in her mind.

As the Spellcaster turned away from the window the screech of tires finally echoed under the horn and the cab of the enormous eighteen-wheeler began to jack-knife under the pressure. Desperately she drew Sarah up closer to her trying somehow naively to shield her still sleeping lover from the impending impact.

If Madalene could have remembered she would have noted how silent everything went as the window imploded inwards, the glass cutting into her skin as it sheered by. She would have remembered how the bus had buckled around the side of the truck as the two collided.

Mostly she would never have been able to forget the feeling as the momentum of the wall and seat that supported her breaking drove her backwards out the window, her thin arms slipping from around Texas. Her stunned vision filled with the sight of the redhead's limp body being engulfed by the crumpling metal of the bus as her own frail form bounced off the passenger's window of the truck cab and somersaulted over the hood before slicing down across the mangled steel of the front grill and bumper. One final jump as the combined wreckage hit a ditch vaulted her body into the highway guardrail and effectively ended all possibility of her remembering anything.

But it wasn't death that greeted her… it was something much colder…

"SARAH!" Madalene's sweat soaked body broke out of Buffy's grip and sat straight up in bed as she blinked her eyes panting in panic. "SARAH!" She screamed again.

Buffy shot up and blinked hard. How the hell had she managed to slip that deeply asleep?

"Mads?" Without thinking Buffy seemed to key into the Spellcaster's distress and she pulled the blankets back.

"Sarah?" Madalene turned towards the Slayer and put her hand up to her head. "I..." She grimaced in pain.

"Mads, easy, it's me, Buffy." Buffy backed up a little flicking on the nearby light to bring some illumination to the dark basement.

"Buffy." The Spellcaster repeated the blonde's name but her confusion was obvious. "Where am I?" She made a pained noise when the light came on and tried to shield her eyes and Buffy cursed softly moving to shut the light off again.

"You're at the house, in the basement, I brought you home." She hurriedly answered in an assuring tone.

"Does Daddy know I'm here?" Madalene shuffled up onto her knees trying to adjust to being awake and the heavy confusion in her brain.

"Daddy?" Buffy frowned in confusion. "Mads, I'm Buffy Summers, you're in Sunnydale." She stated slowly and clearly wishing desperately they had fitted dimmer switches in the basement.

"Buffy?" Madalene rubbed at her eyes for a moment before she settled back sitting and then blinking at the Slayer. "Sorry, I'm not sure... what time is it?" She questioned feeling her head clear more.

Buffy looked over to look at the luminous hands on the Carebear alarm clock they had lent Xander from upstairs.

"Just after four." She replied taking a moment to make the calculation.

"Four?" Madalene looked at Buffy obviously confused. "It can't be four."

"Afraid it is." Buffy nodded reaffirming the time.

"What are we doing?" Madalene looked down at the bed and then back up at the Slayer feeling things in her head mix up to a point where she was almost afraid to hear the answer.

"We're not doing anything, you're sleeping off something like fifteen shots of alcohol." Buffy answered without thinking only afterwards did she glance at the tousled bed sheets and frowned.

"Alcohol? That's impossible." Madalene shook her head defiantly. "I don't drink." She put forward simply.

"You didn't yesterday." Buffy pointed out carefully as she eased back and got off the bed standing right up to the edge of it. She reached to make a vain attempt to pull the top cover neater. "But you decided to break your long standing tradition in the afternoon from what Xander tells me."

"I don't remember drinking." Madalene pulled her knees up to her chest trying to fill the large hole in her mind but all that came back was a chilled feeling. "I was helping Xander with the window then I woke up here." She looked up at Buffy almost pleading for some sort of acceptable explanation.

"From what I can piece together you spent the time between then and now in the Bronze, drinking and then either here or on the couch sleeping it off." Buffy explained softly.

"Oh." Madalene looked down again reaching to pull the blanket up over her a bit as she pulled into a tighter ball. "Sorry." She whispered.

"It's okay." Buffy watched the move, hating to see the uncharacteristic movements from the Spellcaster. "Really it is. I mean hey we've all gone on a bender some time." She tried to shrug and act light hearted. "Oh and as for the me being in bed with you thing, I was just you know checking you were okay. No swallowing your tongue or anything." She added pointing to the ruffled bed.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean the question like that, I know you'd only be here looking after me while I'm being insane." Madalene frowned pulling the blanket closer.

"Drunk, not insane." Buffy stated quickly.

"You don't understand... Buffy I don't do benders... it ruins my balance..." She looked up at the Slayer not even sure why her eyes were welling up with tears. "I don't do strange bouts of comatose drinking... I..." She blinked and felt the hot emotion stream onto her cheeks. "I don't know why I feel like this."

"Mads, easy." Buffy frowned again. "Look, when you were drunk, you seemed to be dreaming or something." The Slayer paused as she moved around and sat on the bed close to Madalene.

"Dreaming?" The Spellcaster sniffled.

"Bad dreams freak me out." Buffy nodded.

"Oh maybe that's why... I just feel... so empty." She hugged her arms around her body.

"Maybe." Buffy nodded, "Perhaps a tea would help, I could get you one." She glanced over to the steps.

"That would be lovely thank you." Madalene whispered with a soft nod.

"You gonna be okay if I leave you? I'm just not sure if anyone else is up that I can bug into doing it." She smiled trying to lighten the mood.

"No, no I'm fine." The Spellcaster wiped her cheeks trying to push down what she was feeling. "Like you said, just a silly dream."

"Okay, I'll be five minutes." Buffy smiled and rubbed Mads' arm lightly before dashing up the stairs.

Buffy moved from the top step into the kitchen surprised to find the main light on and the sound of gently humming coming from the open fridge.

"Will?" She asked as she recognised the shock of red hair.

"Hey Buffy!" Willow turned around grinning with a carton of milk in her hand. "I was just making hot chocolate, you want some?" She kept grinning.

"Hot chocolate? Will, you should be asleep." Buffy smiled slightly confused. "But yeah, hot chocolate sounds great." She added. "For Mads too." She tipped her head slightly and smiled at her friend.

"Yeah well who can sleep when you're in love." Willow giggled and moved over bumping her hip into Buffy's. "Oh how's she doing?" She dimmed a little remembering how out of it the Spellcaster had been.

"She's awake, needs a drink, of the non alcoholic variety." Buffy gave the synopsis. "How's Tara?"

"She's great." Willow's face broke into a brilliant smile again as she poured the milk into the saucepan. "Spectacular, wonderful, beautiful..." She kept going as her smile got bigger.

"But I thought you guys were talking..." Buffy didn't like to shatter her best friends happiness but her view of the tension early never had this outcome as a possible end to the pairs evening.

"We were, we did... she forgave me again." Willow leaned against the counter and hugged her arms around her body. "It was just like you said, she needed to know."

"She forgave you again huh." Buffy felt a broad smile tug on her lips. "Does this mean we have to cope with you and Tara make up smoochies for thirty six hours solid again?" She teased lightly.

"Mmmm hopefully." Willow blushed as she reached up to stir the milk.

"Well by the looks of you, we've already had the warm up round!" She teased more strongly.

"Oh... no… No… We just... we just..." Willow blushed more. "I'm not answering that." She finally caught up to herself and stuck her tongue out at the Slayer.

"I can't tell you how happy i am for you two Will." She crossed and hugged Willow "Dawn is going to explode you know that don't you?"

"Well hopefully not, I like Dawnie whole." Willow giggled and hugged her back. "Though there was one thing I needed to talk to you about... well you and Giles."

She added softly when they pulled back from one another.

"Oh okay, but yes of course I'll be your bridesmaid!" Buffy giggled. "But Giles as best man?" She added screwing up her nose.

"Oh!" Willow's eyes went wide. "No, I didn't mean that... but wow you would be?"

"Of course, God Will, I would be horrified if you didn't ask me." She confirmed with a light laugh. "Not that you and Tara have to get married or anything like that." She added quickly. "So come on what's up?"

"No… I think she needs to settle in a bit more." Willow added seriously. "It was about something that happened to Tara and Madalene earlier. They were reading her journals and apparently they came to life."

"Who-what-now?" Buffy frowned.

"Tara didn't know why it happened because neither of them did any magic but when they read her journal they were suddenly there watching it all happen." The redhead stirred the milk and explained more.

"Watching like in hey look we're on TV?" Buffy clarified not sure she understood.

"No more like 'hey look we're suddenly in the room while it happens live' sorta thing." Willow shook her head. "She could tell me what everyone was wearing, the weather, the tinniest details that even I couldn't remember until she told me."

"Oh." Buffy stopped her mind as it registered what Willow was saying clearly. "That's not normal is it?"

"That's why I wanted to talk to you and Giles, do you think it's something Hellmouthy?" Willow questioned turning down the heat on the stove. "I mean no magic but still they have all that happen." She shook her head. "Thankfully Tara doesn't seem at all effected by it, other than having some of her memories back from the replay."

"Could be." Buffy nodded. "We'll mention it to Giles, when he comes back from having his life."

"Giles has a life?" Willow raised an eyebrow.

"Apparently." The Slayer laughed.

"Weird." She pulled cups out of the cupboard to pour out the milk.

"Very." Buffy nodded. "Then again, Mads drinking herself into a near coma isn't normal either." She pointed out.

"How is she really?" Willow questioned softly. "She's not upset at us or anything, is that why she got drunk?"

"I've not actually managed to establish the why and the how yet, hence the drink fetching, which I plan to lead seamlessly into gentle Slayer investigation." Buffy outlined the plot.

"You're really good at that." Willow nodded. "Would marshmallows help the investigation?" She reached up for the bag in the cupboard.

"Mmmm maybe a little too much sugar." Buffy said thoughtfully. "And you guys need the energy." She winked.

"Buffy!" Willow blushed more as she finished off the first two cups for the Slayer minus marshmallows.

"Hey just remember, Xander's in the room next to you." She winked again. "And he's in my bed."

"Not my problem." Willow turned with a smirk teasing the Slayer.

"You're wicked you know that, just remember both of you need rest." Buffy's voice dropped slightly serious.

"I know, thus the hot drinks and then lots of sleep." Willow smiled over her shoulder. "Promise."

"I couldn't be happy Will, really I couldn't." Buffy vowed seriously.

"I know... thank you." Willow whispered back.

Buffy picked up the two cups carefully and then made her way back into the basement smiling at the fact at least one thing was turning out as it should.

In the time Buffy had been upstairs Madalene had managed to compose herself a bit more. Having first found a brush to comb out the mess her hair was in and then had tied it up into a long braid. She'd also changed clothes, pulling on a pair of clean jogging pants and a baggy T-shirt to get as far away from what she had been wearing as she could. She'd also made the bed and now sat up at the top end with her back leaned against the wall.

"Is chocolate as good as tea?" The Slayer asked as she reached the bottom step taking the relative transformation in her stride not wanting to draw attention to it.

"At this hour it's fine." Madalene gave her a strained smile but the attempt to act normal was obviously there. "Though I'm sorry to put you to so much trouble, you're probably exhausted."

"Nah, I'm the slayer one hours sleep is like four." Buffy shrugged and crossed over and put down the drinks. "You okay?"

"Thank you." Madalene took hers and cupped the warmth in her hands. "I... I feel like an idiot." She admitted with a sigh.

"Don't." Buffy shook her head. "We all do stuff like this."

"Buffy if I'd done a spell and accidentally made it say rain lollypops then I'd be accepting this but I don't do stuff like this." Madalene shook her head. "It's not me."

"Me either, but I did it once." Buffy gave the Spellcaster a sympathetic smile.

"I guess that I don't and I did are moot points aren't they?" Madalene sipped her drink. "I just wish I remembered."

"Can I be honest and say I wish that too, if just so you felt better about it all you know." Buffy replied. "Ironically enough we've got one Wicca upstairs whose memories are just flooding back and you down here who can't remember the last ten hours."

"Ironic isn't it?" Madalene laughed sadly. "I wouldn't doubt if Tara got all of hers back."

"Well with you guys reading and then real life act out drama of yesterday I think you're right." Buffy nodded feeling out the situation.

"It was very odd I'll tell you that. To see everything in such detail, to see how much they loved each other." Madalene frowned softly. "Makes you see how empty life is without that."

"Hey, ease up will you because hello, single girl here." Buffy waved with a smile.

"I'm sorry." Madalene frowned more. "I'm just digging myself deeper aren't I."

"There's no digging." Buffy shook her head. "Do you remember anything about the last ten hours at all?"

"I..." Madalene shivered and stunted her answer. "Being cold." She admitted softly.

"You did seem to have a big nightmare about that." Buffy nodded. "Hence the fifty blankets." She smiled at the now neat pile on the bed.

"I hate being cold." The Spellcaster admitted. "Our bodies exist at such a high heat to be cold is such a horrible contrast."

"Our bodies, is that everybody's bodies or yours and Tara's specific bodies?" Buffy asked not watching her words. "Wow there were way too many bodies in that question." She added with a gentle smirk.

"Tara and myself, the heritage." Madalene rewarded her with a small smile. "I sorta remember feeling safe after awhile... so thank you." She looked down into her drink for a moment before turning her eyes up to look at Buffy.

"It's okay, it's what we do, friends." She paused. "Family."

"Thank you." Madalene looked up more.

"Its not a problem really, that's one thing I've learnt about all those guys up there, it doesn't matter what you do or how you mess up, they will always love you." Buffy smiled as she thought of just how loyal the Scoobies were.

"Hopefully I didn't do anything too embarrassing." Madalene blushed. "Thought they might love me I might not be able to last the teasing." She tried to be brighter.

"Well I think we can safely say that Willow and Tara are going to be too busy to tease you. Dawn has Midnight to fawn over and Xander seems mightily 'Anya' occupied. That just leaves Giles and I to tease you and honestly as far as the Watcher goes, he's just too much of a Brit for that."

"Just leaves you." Madalene bit her lip. "What can I expect?" She settled a bit more relaxed as she sipped her drink.

"Mmmm maybe a few blanket hogging digs in quiet moments." Buffy laughed. "Oh and snoring jibes."

"I don't snore!" Madalene looked at her with mock horror.

"Oh no of course you don't, must have been the bed bug sleeping on the pillow next to you." The Slayer chuckled seeing how the banter was momentarily relieving the Spellcaster's deep concern.

"Beast!" Madalene laughed with her.

"You should really try and get some quality Z's you know." Buffy said softly.

"I will if you do, I don't buy this one hour is four thing." Madalene smiled as she put her cup down. "That's if you don't mind me snoring and hogging the covers."

"Hey its okay I can always brave the Xander pit." She motioned with her head to beyond the partition wall.

"Do I snore that bad?" Madalene questioned her voice going a bit lower.

"Well you know…" Buffy laughed harder.

"We can divide up the covers if you're afraid of getting cold." Madalene tried again subtly.

"There's nothing wrong with saying Buffy could you please stay with me." Buffy pointed out. "I could look on it as extended vomit watch."

"Not so much vomit watch as shaky Maddy watch." The Spellcaster admitted. "I just... I feel better with you here. Sorry for being a wuss."

"Not a problem." Buffy smiled as she moved under the covers. "I'm right here for just such occasions."

Willow was still smiling as she carefully closed the bedroom door with her butt and then moved over to the bed to put one cup of hot chocolate down on each side. Looking down at the floor where the ties of their bathrobes still made a now slightly lopsided heart made her almost do a little skip across the carpet. Moving over to the wardrobe she knew it was almost too early in the morning to bother getting into pjs but hopefully they'd manage a lazy morning in bed so she started rifling through what she had.

'Ugly... ugly... hospital...' She shivered as she pulled that one off the hanger and pitched it at the garbage can. 'Ugly... too fluffy... too cute...' She momentarily stopped at a light yellow shorts set with cats on it. 'This one.' She smiled as she skipped by the yellow and pulled out the silky long royal purple pants and white strap top.

Spreading the outfit out onto the bed she quickly changed into it and pulled back the covers she sat down waiting for Tara to reappear.

There was a soft rattle as the door eased open and all at once a soft warm glow entered the room, as Tara tiptoed lightly back into the room from the bathroom. The blonde had changed from her day wear into a soft rose coloured silk night-dress, her long hair was held half up in a clip and in her hands she carried the pale blue candle from off the dressing table.

"Hi." Willow tried to keep her jaw from hitting the floor as she sat up straighter looking at the blonde.

"Hi yourself." Tara smiled warmly as she eased the door closed behind her.

"Extra marshmallows." Willow managed to push her lips back together and make the slightly jagged appraisal as she watched Tara move.

Tara nodded wordlessly as she placed the candle back onto the dresser and crossed with her bare feet back to the edge of the bed, taking a moment to glance at the cup of hot chocolate Willow had prepared for her.

"You changed." She flicked her blue eyes back to the redhead.

"I thought since we were going to bed..." Willow smiled softly and tugged at a pant leg. "Needed sleep stuff."

"My thought too." Tara glanced almost self consciously down at her choice of nightwear.

"Great minds think alike." The redhead nodded. "You look lovely." She managed to blush lightly, as she looked at Tara again and then tried to pull her eyes away.

"It... It was in my things..." Tara pointed absently over her shoulder .

"It should be, I bought it for you." Willow filled in the fact for her with pride.

"Did you?" Tara's smiled brightened as her hand played with the strap over her shoulder. "It's lovely."

"You swore to me that you wouldn't look 'good' in stuff like that so I went out and find the most expensive lovely thing I could find for you to prove you were so very wrong." Willow watched the blonde's hand and looked into blue eyes again.

"Was I wrong?" Tara asked letting her hand drop to her side again as she gave Willow a little twirl.

"You were so wrong they should make a new word for wrong because the wrongness of thinking you don't look absolutely gorgeous in that is not properly contained by simply saying you were wrong." Willow watched the material sway around the blonde's body and swallowed hard.

"Sweetie, you're babbling." Tara stopped and beamed at her girlfriend her blue eyes sparkled.

"Of course I am, totally hot girlfriend in the room." She reached up to pull at an imaginary shirt collar. This action made the blonde laugh and shake her head slightly.

"I don't know if I've forgiven you yet for not warning me." Tara grinned and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I still stand by the fact that you didn't warn me and I had to go into the netherworld to find Buffy at that point too so no hot chocolate for me, I had to it way worse." The redhead grinned.

"I think I prefer hot chocolate and snuggles to a trip to where-ever." Tara eased her legs up into the bed and leaned back into the pillow.

"Totally, it smelled and it took ages to wash out of my clothes." Willow smiled as she grabbed her drink.

"Willow." Tara said softly as she watched the redhead chase marshmallows around with her fingertip causing the redhead to look up attentively. "When was our first time?" She asked gently a soft blush highlighting her cheeks.

"You mean..." Willow felt her cheeks blush a bit too. "Firsssst time." She watched Tara nod her cheeks growing redder. "It was after Oz had come back from Tibet and I had this big talk with him about how he was the past and I knew you were my future. So I came to your dorm with a candle, an extra flamey one, the power was out all over town." She reached to put her cup down. "And you thought... well silly you thought I was going to pick him but how could I do that and be happy?"

"How was it?" Tara asked watching Willow's every move, her voice a mere whisper.

"It was... it was..." Willow smiled softly her eyes dancing. "Wow." She whispered simply.

"Wow." Tara repeated smiling. "I managed to be wow?"

"No, I mean you said wow. I think I was riddling off ancient Sumerian love poetry that hadn't been heard by human ears in a few millennium." Willow smiled more. "Or at least that's what you told me in the morning when I could actually talk again."

Tara laughed again her whole face lit by the joy and surprise she felt in hearing Willow's words.

"Hopefully you wrote it down in your journal, it's a bit endorphin hazy for me." Willow continued tilting her head to one side.

"Hopefully yes, we can read it in the morning." Tara nodded eagerly and then hesitated for a moment. "Was I your first?" She asked somewhat sheepishly.

"Girl yes, just you and Oz, who was a boy obviously." Willow felt her head tilt back and forth.

"Oh wow." Tara's grin grew as her shoulders lifted up to her ears with pride.

"Darn tooting wow. Missy with the books and the know how and the natural talent." Willow pointed at the blonde playfully.

"I - I - I had books?" Blue eyes grew wide.

"Oh no, no not books like that... romance novels." Willow went pitch red from her forehead to the neckline of her top.

"Oh." Tara went red too. "Romance novels." She nodded knowingly.

"Exactly." The redhead took a deep breath then grinned mischievously. "We ordered the other books later." She giggled.

"We did?" Tara gasped, but her grin was too firmly plastered on her face to fade.

"Research, great when telling the Scoobies why we were going home. All about the research." Willow winked at her.

"Back to the sneaky relationship status." Tara made the reference back to the photographs of them kissing behind the bookshelves.

"We are the sneaky two." Willow nodded.

"We were happy weren't we?" Tara assessed her smile easing a little.

"We were." Willow smiled and felt it fade a bit. "Until I screwed it up."

"No Willow." Tara shifted a little to turn to look at the redhead. "I can't hear that from you anymore." She shook her head.

"But it's true... you know it's true." Willow contradicted.

"I do, but I also know that it's in the past and it's over now." Tara nodded. "Would you do it to me again?" She asked point blank.

"Never." Willow shook her head. "I never want to do any magic ever again." She vowed. "Especially not anywhere near you, I can't ever risk losing you again." She slid closer on the bed. "I love you."

"I love you too." Tara reached out and ran her finger over the pale strap on Willow's shoulder then repeated the move letting her other fingers splay out to touch the skin surrounding the material. "And I trust you."

"I still don't understand how it is that you're back or really if there is a why but I don't care, all I know is that you are and I never want to be anywhere but beside you." Willow smiled softly as she reached her hand over and placed it on Tara's knee. Tara moved her hand down and placed it over Willow's.

"So tell me, is there any other stories we should flip to quickly in the diaries." She grinned and wrinkled her nose.

"I don't know, depends how much detail you went into in your diary." Willow smirked. "Though there doesn't seem to be enough books here to chronicle all the times..." She giggled without finishing.

"Did you write anything down ever?" Tara asked curious.

"I did, I started a diary after Mrs. Summers' died." Willow tried to reference the point without getting too sad. "It sorta got put to the side with all the apocalypse stuff."

"I can imagine." Tara nodded. "Thank you for looking after me, and well... everything."

"I had to baby, you were my everything." Willow underlined for her. "There was no choice but to take care of you okay, so don't you even worry about that ever." The firm words made Tara nod and squeeze Willow's hand.

"So is it snuggle and sleep time?" She asked softly.

"It is really late." Willow nodded. "Though I ran into Buffy in the kitchen." She filled in the blonde witch. "She's staying in the basement to watch Madalene, I made them both hot chocolate too."

"Is Madalene alright?" Tara asked worried.

"Buffy said she was awake so that's got to be good right." Willow nodded.

"I do hope what happened this morning had nothing to do with why she got drunk." Tara frowned harder.

"I told Buffy about the real life diary time." Willow let her know what had gone on downstairs. "She said she'd talk to Giles."

"You know one thing I am picking up loud and clear through all of this, is that Magick isn't all its cracked up to be." Tara pointed out the sad fact.

"No magick can be great, if you use it wisely and don't get carried away and respect it and…" Willow stopped herself. "Magick isn't all it's cracked up to be." She conceded softly.

"But it did bring us together, so it can't all be bad." Tara leaned in and placed her lips on Willow's still pink cheek.

"It did." The redhead sighed happily as Tara kissed her. "And it brought you back to me." She whispered.

"We should be asleep." Tara said softly.

"We should." Willow agreed tilting her head a little to look into blue eyes.

"You sleepy?" She asked knowing the answer even before she saw Willow shake her head silently. "I want you to hold me." She admitted her voice dropping low.

"Two arms no waiting." Willow reached up and urged the blonde to lie down with her, the instant they were horizontal she wound her arms pulling Tara to her.

Tara nestled in and laid her arm over Willow's body, her fingers playing with the cotton of the strap top. She slid her leg over one of Willow's loving the feel of the sliding silk between them.

"And the best thing is that these arms are open for the next forever or so, just waiting for you whenever you need them." Willow rubbed her hand down Tara's back.

"I think I need them forever." Tara admitted feeling safe and secure within them.

"Good cause they need you." Willow whispered. "They were so lonely without you."

"I can't even begin to think about that." Tara admitted with a gentle shiver.

"Then don't, we never need to think about it again." Willow held her tighter. "It doesn't matter why you're back, you are where you should be and nothing is going to take you away again."

"Talk to me about your favourite 'our' time." Tara asked making herself more comfortable.

"My favourite time used to be just after the world had almost ended for another night and we'd take care of everyone's injuries and go up to bed usually about this time so exhausted but knowing in our hearts that we'd won again. We'd beat out the monsters and that it meant so much." Willow's voice was soft. "And then we'd do this, hold each other for along time sometimes talking about stupid things, sometimes not talking at all. Just knowing that we were alive and together and we would fight ever night for the rest of our lives to keep it that way."

"Mmmm." Tara said contentedly. "Tell me more." She urged.

"We'd talk about what kinda house we want to buy when we finish school, what plants to put in the garden." Willow continued softly. "Talk about how we'd have matching aprons even though I can't cook and we'd have a big dining room table for all the Scooby meetings."

"Mrs. and Mrs. Happy." Tara felt her breathing steady and growing deeper.

"Mrs. and Mrs. Super Happy." Willow nodded and kissed Tara on the forehead.

"Mmmm will it feel this good in the morning?" Tara asked her eyes heavy.

"I hope so." The redhead cuddled her closer. "As long as we're together I don't see how it couldn't."

Dawn concentrated really hard on making the packed breakfast tray as stable as possible. The plate of toast was balanced on top of a bowl full of fruit salad. The small pot of natural yoghurt and two glasses of fruit juice, were covered with a second plate, this with butter and splurges of raspberry and peanut butter on it and two knifes. Under the tray slipped between her fingers she held the post and she held the spoons under her thumb over the top of the tray.

"Okay, now just don't trip." She said to herself as she made her way across the kitchen and to the basement stairs. She began to regret making the journey in her teddy bear shaped slippers as the flat fabric soles gave her no sense of security whatsoever. Not saying a word the teenager crept down the stairs, waiting until she could see if either Buffy or Madalene were awake before speaking.

"Good morning sunshine." Madalene offered softly from her cross-legged position at the end of the bed. She was awake and at least had her hair brushed and tied up, while beside her the Slayer was sprawled out snoring softly.

"You're awake." Dawn smiled at the Spellcaster. "I thought you might need breakfast." She added as she finally made it down the last step.

"I am and I do." The Spellcaster smiled back. "Have a lot to make up for after yesterday." Her face dimmed a little.

"No, you don't." Dawn shook her head and gratefully lowered the tray down onto the bed. "We don't work like that here."

"I do, I'm sorry if you had to witness any my horrible display." Madalene relaxed out of the pose a little and helped her steady the tray on the blankets.

"It's fine." Dawn eased back and shook her head, taking up a casual pose by the bed.

"Toast." Buffy's nose wrinkled and sniffed a couple of times, though the Slayer's eyes remained closed.

"She's always like this in the morning." Dawn grinned at her sister's little display.

"Who other than us would know the mighty Slayer's secret kryptonite is a good night's sleep and food." Madalene wiggled her nose.

"Are you feeling okay?" Dawn said suddenly as if remembering something as she dug her hand into her jean pocket and pulled out a blister pack of pills. "Buffy swears by these for aches and pains." She offered the tablets.

"Thank you, but no thank you." Madalene held up her hand to wave them off.

"Oh, ok." Dawn dropped them onto a tiny spare corner of tray.

"I am officially drug and alcohol free again. It's going to take weeks to get my Kalum back up to where it was." She admitted. "Stuff like that and magick don't work that well together, I try to avoid them." She explained to the teenager.

"Okay, well I hope I did okay with breakfast." Dawn moved to unpack the tray.

"It looks fantastic Dawn, really." The Spellcaster stole a piece of fruit.

"Is there really toast or am I smelling ghost toast?" Buffy grunted turning over to face Dawn, Madalene and the tray.

"There's toast Buffy." Madalene assured her softly reaching over to brush hair back off the Slayer's face. "Made by Dawn herself just for us."

"That means its morning. Ugh." Buffy turned her back on them again grumpily causing Dawn to laugh more from her spot.

"She deserves rest after watching me on vomit duty all night." Mads frowned slightly.

"Oh please don't tell me she called it that?" Dawn wrinkled her nose. "I mean ew!"

"I think at first it was swallow my tongue duty." The Spellcaster matched the look. "So vomit duty got to sound better."

"Checking you were okay is even better." Dawn offered with a smile.

"I translated that from Slayer speak." Mads winked at her. "So I hope you made enough for three." She patted the blanket.

"You want me to stay?" Dawn tried not to grin too much at the invitation.

"You have to share in this wonderful breakfast." Madalene assured her instantly. "And this way you can translate all your sister's sleep talk to me." She grinned and picked up a glass of juice.

"Well I was kinda lonely, Xander went to work already and Willow and Tara aren't up yet." Dawn admitted as she sat down pulling off the edge of a piece of toast she dipped it into the jam and nibbled it.

"Me too." She reached out and patted Dawn's arm.

"It's too dark to be morning." Buffy grumbled as she turned back to face everyone.

"Buffy go back to sleep it's fine." Madalene cast a sideways glance at Dawn who was laughing lightly as she moved to pull the blanket up over the Slayer. "Vomit duty is over." She assured the blonde.

"Well it's not fine really." Dawn hated to be the one to end the comical scene. "It's past ten and there's an important looking letter here and Giles called already to say he wants to see you in…" The teenager paused. "Fifteen minutes."

"What!" Buffy's reaction was immediate her hazel eyes snapped open.

"I called him already and told him that eleven o'clock would be better for you." Dawn grinned at her suddenly awake sister.

"Beast." The Slayer stuck out her tongue.

"Toast for you." Madalene reached back and stuck the piece of bread in Buffy's mouth before she could get to swear. The move only made Dawn laughed louder. "Now this letter Dawn, why do you think it's important?" She questioned going to sit back next to the teenager.

"Oh, " Dawn glanced at Madalene and then picked up the letter. "Because it says 'Miss. B. Summers, Legal Guardian of Miss. D. Summers." She showed the Spellcaster the front of the envelope.

"Does sound important." Madalene nodded and looked at the Slayer. "Toast monster you have mail." She teased the blonde who was busy gobbling down the start of her breakfast.

"Mail? If it's a bill, I've moved." Buffy held out her hand.

"I didn't think school's sent bills." Madalene commented leaning closer to Dawn.

"The school?" Buffy frowned and took the envelope.

"Just out of curiosity should I start faking sick to distract her?" She whispered to Dawn wanting to be helpful.

"Dawn.." Buffy's eyes narrowed as she looked at her sister.

"What?" Dawn squeaked. "I've not done anything."

"Probably just a mass mailing." The Spellcaster smiled happy that Dawn wasn't going to be in trouble. "The logo on the back is sorta crooked." She appraised showing how she knew it was from the high school.

"Oh God." Buffy's voice lost all volume as she ripped it open and began reading. Dawn's eyes flashed up and stared at her sister.

"What?" Madalene asked immediately.

"The high school is reopening." Buffy stared at the letter in disbelief.

"Reopening?" The Spellcaster was a bit lost.

"I have to talk to Giles about this." Buffy threw the blanket back and got out of the bed.

"But... but... we were having breakfast." Mads tried to point to the tray.

"Oh." Buffy stopped and sat down. "Sorry, of course breakfast."

"Buffy, why is this such a worry?" Madalene questioned putting her hand over Dawn's when the teenager just sat there silent and a bit pale.

"The High School is built on the Hellmouth." Dawn whispered. "And Buffy blew up the last one."

"Oh." The Spellcaster dimmed down to the same shade that Dawn was. "Okay so I get a job and we put Dawn in private school, how's that?" She blurted out the first thing in her mind. Both Dawn and Buffy looked at the Spellcaster. "Sorry just initial reaction to Dawn studying math on the Hellmouth." She tried to cover.

"No, I mean I'm sure it's fine now." Buffy tried to play down her initial reaction.

"Like Buffy said, I am sure it's okay, I mean they wouldn't have rebuilt it in the same place and not built it right would they?" Dawn looked between both women for reassurance.

"Oh course not." Madalene nodded knowing it was what the teenager needed to hear. "And hey this gives us a whole huge excuse to go new school shopping!" She grinned.

"School shopping?" Buffy looked at Madalene with a slight frown. Usually shopping was the first thing in her mind but it hasn't been anywhere close this time.

"School shopping." Madalene looked at the Slayer. "You have that meeting with Giles anyway, this way Dawn and I have something fun and exciting to do with our day and you could meet up with us later to make some final choices." She picked up her juice. "And we could even see about those boots you were mumbling over and over about in your sleep."

"Boots." Buffy perked up a little and Dawn relaxed a bit.

"Suede boots... reinforced heel..." The Spellcaster made a drooling noise. "Size 6... dark chocolate brown to go with my coat and cords."

"Midnight will love to chew those!" Dawn giggled.

"Hey no destroying my lovely dream imagine with visions of doggie drool." Buffy chastised.

"Mmmm can I ask a question?" Madalene raised her hand. "Who is Midnight?"

"Oh you don't know, I'll go get her." Dawn jumped up and before Buffy could stop her the teenager dashed off and up the stairs.

"You said I was only out for ten hours." Madalene questioned worried as Dawn ran off.

"Yeah well apparently a lot can happen in ten hours when you are ganged up on by a redhead, a teenager and a big black Labrador." Buffy arched an eyebrow.

"You don't sound happy?" Madalene tried to relax again as she ate a few mouthfuls of yoghurt.

"Oh no I am, it's just..." She glanced down at the letter in her hand. "I worry, about Dawn." She admitted.

"I suggested the shopping so that we could be out of your hair and you could look into that worry with Giles." Madalene said softly. "Less to worry about so more focus on the problem."

"Thank you." Buffy smiled. "Are you sure you don't mind putting up with Dawn?"

"I would if I felt I was putting up with her." Madalene shook her head. "Buffy your sister is sweet and inquisitive. A Summers' family trait I think." She leaned closer. "And I'm hoping more and more it will rub off on me." She gave Buffy a light hug. "Thanks for looking after me."

"Like I said last night or at least I hope I did, it's what we do Mads, you're a part of us now, one of the gang." Buffy accepted the gentle hug and returned it.

"Maddy and Midnight, junior Scoobies." She pulled back and grinned. "So are you sure a five wouldn't be more realistic for those tiny feet?"

"Do you know how cold graveyards get at night?" Buffy laughed wiggling her toes.

"Is that a hint for me to knit you socks?" Madalene laughed with her. "I think I can knit." She blinked for a minute.

"MIDNIGHT'S COMING!" Dawn's yell came from the kitchen above them just moments before the heavy rushed padding of the dog's paws hammered on the steps. Madalene flashed her head around to look at the stairs as the exuberant lab came rambling down the steps towards them. Midnight skidded to a stop near the bed and gave a short welcoming bark.

"Hello there Miss. Midnight." Madalene kept her voice soft as she looked at the dog. "I'm Madalene." She held out her hand.

The black dog tipped its head looking from Madalene's face to the outstretched hand before moving closer and pushing her head up into the Spellcaster's fingers.

"She's very friendly." Mads smiled as she patted and rubbed the dog's head. "I can see how you couldn't resist."

"Yeah, she's kinda cute." Buffy looked at the dog, which turned from her fuss and jumped over to the Slayer dragging a long wet tongue up her cheek. "In a gross kind of way." Buffy winced under the attention.

"More kisses." Madalene laughed as Midnight attacked the Slayer.

"Don't encourage her." Buffy laughed falling back with the dog on top of her.

Giles looked up as the bell above the door as it sounded.

"Buffy, good morning." He glanced at his watch noticing the time subtly.

"No lectures please, yesterday was a weird day and this morning was the aftermath." Buffy closed the door behind her and walked boldly into the shop.

"Yes, well quite understandable from the rambling message you left on my machine. Would you like to explain?" He watched her for clues as to what was going on.

"Where should I start?" Buffy asked hoping up to sit on the counter.

"I believe somewhere between the barking, you screaming 'No, Dawn its not from the Hellmouth' and the unpleasant 'damn Giles, if you are out rounding up chicks I'm going too...'" He coughed not finishing. "Just tell me please what is going on with Madalene."

"Well officially she went out on a drinking binge yesterday, ending up having to have me carry her back home and spending the night making sure she didn't hurt herself while she was comatose." Buffy explained the obvious occurrences.

"Un-officially?" Giles' looked at her sensing tension in her answer.

"Yeah, call it my Slayer sense but I think there is something more going on." Buffy put in her two cents.

"I understand that she doesn't seem like the likely type to drink large amounts of spirits Buffy, perhaps there is another reason for her indulgence." He nodded. "Did you observe anything unusual?"

"Well she was dreaming, like majorly vivid dreams. I know, I know, not unusual for drunken sleep but this was weird Giles, it was more…" She paused. "More real."

"Real how?" He began thinking.

"I'm not sure, things like she was saying something about being cold and she was cold, like her body was cold to the touch." Buffy replied trying to give him examples. "I don't know there was just something about the fluidity of her sleep talking and the fact that it made sense, you know, there wasn't any flying elephants or men with cheese." She swung her legs against the counter top while explaining.

"There is a likely possibility with all the latent powers that her heritage suggests she may have that there was something more going on. What exactly did she say other than being cold?" Giles' moved over to the bookcases.

"Giles, I'm not sure I should go into details." Buffy watched him move. "Some of it was kinda personal you know." She felt herself blush slightly. "The other thing is that she doesn't remember it, any of it." Buffy recounting remembered that maybe it was important.

"Anya's down counting the stock in the basement." He walked back to her his voice hushed. "Whatever she remembered Buffy may be helpful, I assure you I would keep anything in strict confidence as you would."

"There was something else…" Buffy admitted. "But that happened before the bender." Giles looked at her urging her to continue. "Mads and Tara read some of Tara's diaries."

"Tara must be very relieved to be able to have a first person account of some of her memories." Giles' nodded not seeing a connection.

"Yes that part of it is great but…" Buffy glanced up at her Watcher. "Willow said something odd happened when they read them."

"Odd how?" He pushed for information. "Something that could have emotionally spurred Madalene into going out on this bender?" He used her word reluctantly.

"Well I've not spoken to Tara directly, but Willow said something about them coming to life." The Slayer hated saying the words.

"Magic?" Giles reached up to pull off his glasses.

"Willow says not, she said Tara said it just happened." Buffy shook her head. "I think she was a bit suspicious but apparently Tara knew things like what they were wearing and how the room looked."

"I have to say Buffy my initial reaction is most disconcerting." Giles paced away and straightened out his waistcoat.

"Wanna play let's share the disconcerting reaction?" Buffy asked quirking her eyebrow.

"Above anything else I don't believe that Madalene is the type to make you worry by going on a drinking splurge to the point where you would have to carry her home. That this would occur directly after this unusual shared experience between her and Tara is highly suspect. Add to that all this apparently very personal information you say she was relaying during her intoxication." He spelled out his worries. "It would be greatly helpful if you would at least tell me some of what she said Buffy, perhaps there is clues that can be taken from her experience." He continued when she didn't say anything. "You suggested earlier that she didn't remember anything Buffy, I don't think it would be very sensitive for me to quiz her in order to understand more." He straightened up. "Perhaps you could speak with her about what you heard. Filter out what is important for us to know."

"I could try, how about Tara would talking to her be helpful?" Buffy asked knowing she didn't want to have to talk to Mads about this just yet if it could be helped.

"I think talking to both of them is necessary, we need to find out exactly how this replay manifested itself." Giles nodded.

"Be straight with me Giles, do you think it's big, bad and nasty?" Buffy asked the hard question.

"I think we have due reason to be concerned." The Watcher took a sharp breath. "Which is why I've been putting some finishing touches on your new training schedule." He went over to the table and brought back some sheets for her. "We both know that many creatures of evil will be very interested in their heritage and the fact that this has happened in Sunnydale like many things hints towards something more sinister than co incidental."

"Ready for more coincidence?" Buffy sighed hard as she glanced at the sheets Giles brought over.

"More?" Giles queried as Buffy reached her hand into her leather jacket and pulled out the cream envelope. She handed it to her Watcher who quickly opened it and read over the contents. "Coincidence." He folded the paper back up and tapped it against his palm.

"What is it about the way you said that that makes me want to reach for a broad sword and throw myself into training?" Buffy asked hoping down from the counter.

"I hope that I am wrong Buffy." He admitted. "But we can not be too diligent."

"I hear you." Buffy nodded. "So, training?" She asked looking to the back.

"Yes, you suggested a preference for the broadsword first." He smiled at her and began to turn up the cuffs of his crisp shirt.

Xander crept down the stairs to the basement as quietly as he could trying to keep the cellophane wrapper around the roses he had behind his back from making too much noise.

"Anya?" He questioned looking around the variety of strange magical items and leftover Slayer spoils.

"You made me jump and lose count." Anya's head popped round a tall packing shelf a slightly scowl creased her brow.

"Sorry, I just..." He moved closer to her. "Happy birthday!" He stuck the flowers out at her.

"Hap…" Anya stopped and looked at the bouquet or roses her face melting momentarily into a smile, before her frown reinforced itself. "I'm a demon I don't have birthdays." She tried to sound angry.

"Okay true but really this is the day that you came to Sunnydale the first time so it's sorta like your birthday right?" He gave her a big grin.

"You remember?" Anya's scowl softened again as she looked from the delicate blooms up into Xander's dark eyes.

"How could I forget?" He tilted his head pushing them closer to her. "It's the day you wished me into another universe but better than that it's sorta like the first day we met."

"This is very nice of you. I don't understand." Almost hesitantly the vengeance demon reached out and took the flowers.

"You don't have to understand. I don't have any big agenda or hidden reason. I was at work and I was looking at the calendar and I remembered what today was and I well wanted to do something nice for you that's all." He held up his hands making sure she didn't throw them back of anything.

"I..." Anya hesitated again. "Thank you." She said simply blinking her eyes that were suddenly filled with tears.

"Oh god I didn't want to make you cry." He fumbled in his pockets trying to find a tissue.

"I don't want to be crying either, I'm not supposed to cry." Anya's frustration bubbled perilously close to the surface.

"Should I go?" Xander motioned back to the stairs.

"NO!" The vengeance demon hastily called him to a stop.

"Would maybe some lunch make it better?" Xander offered timidly.

"You bring me flowers and want to have lunch with me?" Anya wiped her eyes and put the flowers on the nearest shelf.

"Yeah." He nodded putting his hands in his pockets.

"You are going to pay aren't you." She checked before committing herself.

"Pay?" He didn't understand for a moment. "Oh for lunch, yeah of course. Whenever you want to go." He smiled.

"Now." Anya stated quickly. "I know what you are like at changing your mind."

"Right now, no mind changing." He stood up and offered his arm.

Anya moved over and slipped her arm through Xander's but then stopped. He looked at her worried for a moment.

"This doesn't mean we were going back to how we were." The vengeance demon stated clearly.

"Anya..." He turned holding his hand over her arm to keep it there. "I know I can't make up for hurting you with some flowers and a cheesy lunch. The only way I can do that is time and well little steps like this."

"That's right." Anya said, but then seemed to run out of arguments or things to say. "We should go." She encouraged.

"Your chariot awaits." Xander smiled and led her up the stairs.

Willow giggled causing the blonde's head that was resting against her stomach to jump up and down a little as she closed the last journal and let it fall to the side.

"I totally forgot about that floor party." The redhead laughed more. "You were so cute covered in silly string." Tara turned her head and watched her girlfriend laugh. "This feels so good." Green eyes looked down smiling and Tara nodded gently into Willow's tummy.

"So very good." She echoed softly.

"I was thinking that we need to get you a new journal." Willow reached down to play with a strand of blonde hair.

"A new journal?" Tara queried closing her eyes as Willow twirled her hair.

"For all the new good memories we're making." Willow pointed out. "So that one day we can read them and remind ourselves about how wonderful life is right now."

"Mmmmm true we should write it together." Tara encouraged.

"I like doing things together." Willow nodded her agreement easily.

"Me too." Tara nodded and lifted her eyes to the end of the bed, that they had not moved from all day. She smiled broadly at the sight of the large black lab that sprawled over the blankets. "What should we do with them now?" She asked turning her gaze to look down at the book-covered floor.

"Anything you want baby, do you want Xander to build you a bookcase in here?" The redhead questioned.

"Mmmmm." Tara wiggled a little in place and then worked her body up along side Willow's more, placing her head on her shoulder. "I'm not sure." She admitted looking round the room. "I don't know if we should surround ourselves with what's been and gone."

"Oh I know that glint." Willow smiled and looked into blue eyes. "That's the Goddess I hate this wallpaper we need to redecorate glint."

"I was thinking something in blues would be nice." Tara chuckled softly and wrapped her arm around Willow's warm stomach.

"I like blue." The redhead nodded. "Matches your eyes." She leaned closer to the blonde.

"I don't want to do anything too quickly love." Tara admitted as she nuzzled into Willow's neck. "You need time and gradual change."

"I know. When I'm with you I forget all the other stuff, forget all about the meds and the doctors." Willow tucked her chin against the crown of Tara's head. "All I can think about is right now, this moment with you."

"That's all you have to think about." Tara underlined gently.

"No more about the past... just our present." Willow kissed blonde hair and closed her eyes feeling perfectly happy and relaxed.

The End For Now…Grrr... Argggg...


End file.
